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This week Raw came to us from the Datchforum in Milan, Italy.

Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler welcomed viewers to the first ever Raw from Milan as Jonathan Coachman came out and stood on the stage. Even in Italy they boo him. He was still mad about his match for Backlash being overruled by the honorary General Manager last week, and was going to get his way tonight, by golly.

But first, Mister McMahon headed out, wearing another in his collection of stupid looking hats. Even in Italy they tell him he sucks. McMahon said that Milan is supposed to be the fashion capital of the world, then he had the camera pan around the arena while he made fun of the fashion statements in the audience--many of whom wear wearing WWE-brand fashions. Whoops.

McMahon then introduced Umaga, who makes quite a fashion statement himself. A brief recap of last week's Shane McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley match was shown. Umaga, Mister McMahon, and Shane O'Mac will destroy Lashley at Backlash. Neither Shane nor Lashley were at tonight's show, McMahon said. Supposedly, Lashley had had a Customs problem.

McMahon said Umaga would take on anyone in the back who wanted some air time. No takers. Then Umaga put up the Intercontinental Championship. Still no takers. Then McMahon offer the shot to some brave soul in the audience.

This segment is d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g.

Finally someone named Santino from the audience was selected. The audience got into it with soccer chants. McMahon told Santino Marella that he would need to agree to a hold-harmless agreement in case Umaga destroyed him. No problemo. Loud Santino chants. But no pen and paper. A hold-harmless is only as good as the paper it's written on, Vince.

(1) Umaga vs. Santino Marella. The match started and Santino was holding his own with the Samoan Bulldozer. He was also well-muscled and well tattooed and looked suspiciously like a wrestler. McMahon decided a stipulation might be necessary--No Holds Barred.

Estrada slapped Santino. Santino slapped him back. And things went downhill for Santino from there.

Then--surprise--Bobby Lashley (wearing that suit again) ran down the ramp with a steel chair and hit the ring--and everybody in it. With everybody out cold, Lashley pulled Santino over Umaga, and Santino became the new IC Champion.

If I had not been recapping this show, I'd have changed the channel ten minutes ago. This segment was AWFUL! The only thing that saved it was Santino and the soccer chants.

(Commercial break)

Jerry Lawler interviewed Bobby Lashley and Santino the Fan who'd become Santino the IC Champ.

Carlito felt bad he'd let Ric Flair down last week, but Flair said there would be other matches.

(Commercial break)

Whoooooo! It's apparently an international word, since Flair and his entourage (Carlito and Torrie) got a very good pop from the crowd.

(2) Ric Flair & Carlito vs. Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin. We've seen it before. Flair takes a licking then Carlito hot tags in and keeps on ticking. But this time Hass and Benjamin won--after tripping Carlito. Carlito got mad at Torrie, then slugged Flair when they tried to comfort Carlito.

(Commercial break) That Sponge Bob No Pants commercial is not going to sell me any food from Burger King. It's a nauseating (not to mention creepy) commercial.

Last Week Michael Pena of Make-a-Wish had made a four-way Backlash main event match.

Maria introduced John Cena, who was booed out of the building. LOUD boos. She asked his thoughts on the Backlash main event. Before he could answer, Shawn Michaels stepped into the camera shot and said he would no longer have Cena's back. And next week, he will leave him ON his back. The Italian crowd loved HBK as much as they hated Cena.

J.R. introduced the Italian announce team. One of them was a dead-ringer for Tazz.

Clips were shown from Steve Austin's movie, "The Condemned." (Austin was at yesterday's NASCAR race, even saying the magic words, "Boogity, boogity, boogity." Just kidding. He said, "Gentlemen, start your engines.")

(Commercial break)

Next week on Raw we're supposed to worship the Great Khali. Not likely.

(2) Johnny Nitro vs. Eugene. Before Eugene even got his jacket off, Nitro was putting the boots to him. The ring entrances took longer than this match, which was won by Nitro.

Coming up next is the Diva fashion show.

(Commercial break)

The special announcer for the Diva Fashion Show was an Italian who introduced the Divas in his native tongue:

- Candice Michelle wearing an angel outfit complete with wings.

- Victoria, who stumbled out in her high heels and took them off. Her dress was actually the prettiest.

- Mickie James was wearing jeans and a sleeveless shirt with cowboy boots.

- Marie was wearing a Betty Boop outfit.

- Torrie was wearing a black lacy top and shorts.

- Melina was wearing a red dress with a bubble hem and black trim.

Not sure what Mr. Italy was saying, but it seemed to be "applaud for your favorite."

Torrie and Maria got the loudest reactions, and Melina got booed. Torrie ended up the winner. Melina got mad and attacked everyone. Never saw that coming.

(Commercial break)

The Hardy Boys got a super pop from the crowd.

(3) Matt & Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch. The King wasn't too sure if the Italian crowd could relate to Team Redneck. It's not like the American fans can relate much to them either. No matter. The crowd was saving their cheers for the Hardys. Jeff Hardy was getting pounded, even getting a drop kick in the chops. Matt gave Trevor a clothesline on the outside. A Swanton by Jeff landed badly and Lance Cade pinned him for the win.

(Commercial break)

Chris Masters was in the ring and comparing himself to great Italian works of arts. More boos.

(4) Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy. Super Crazy with a plancha over the top onto Masters for a flashy start. This has been the best match of the evening since it's not an all-out squash. Each got a chance to look good. Crazy with a near fall. Masters with the fall that counted and he won, but it was an enjoyable match nonetheless.

(Commercial break)

Lots of filler tonight. I'll bet if you added up all the Stone Cold movie promos, they'd have filled half an hour. Then boring highlights of the first segment were repeated in the second hour. Zzzzzzz.

Edge seemed apologetic to Orton for last week. Orton thought they needed to be on the same page tonight. They shook hands and headed to the ring.

(Commercial break)

(5) Handicap Match: John Cena vs. Edge & Orton. Rated RKO got booed. And so did Cena. Cena gave his gum to the referee. Huh? Is this second grade? Anyway, he looked good, but he had to do twice as much work as Rated RKO, and they were wearing him down.

(Commercial break)

Back from commercial, and Edge bounced Cena off the Italian announce table. Right hands from Orton, then some more from Edge. Cena was on wobbly legs, but the fans were chanting his name to encourage him. Suddenly the crowd looked at the ramp and HBK was on his way to the ring. He helped Orton out of the ring, while Cena concentrated on Edge. Cena had Edge up but the referee ended up getting knocked down thanks to Orton. Cena pinned Edge after avoiding a spear and some chin music. Michaels ended up with the F-U. Interesting, but predictable, match.

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This was certainly not the best ever Raw. The first half hour was interminable and most of the matches were trite. And why do I have a feeling that Santino will have visa problems and be unable to make it to the U.S. or keep the IC Title?