Impact
The Impact Report: Joe vs. AJ vs. The War Machine vs. The Fallen Angel, Team 3D Defend Against Christan and Abyss
By Saad Naeem
Apr 19, 2007, 23:07

Sup people? Welcome back to another edition of the Impact Report. Hope your week was great cause mine sure was. Tonight is the first Impact after an awesome Lockdown. I really liked it and was pleasantly surprised with the ending and one Jeff Jarrett. But was his move to give Sting the championship pinfall a genuine one? Or are his alliances to Sting and company more bogus than CM Punk’s “heel turn?” Find out tonight on Impact!

Video package recapping the events of the Lockdown Pay Per View plays.

Mike Tenay is in the ring to conduct an interview with the returning Jeff Jarrett. Tenay is curious to find out what has changed Jeff Jarrett so much in his 6 month absence. Double J said he took the time to reflect, and now realizes that the world does not revolve around him. At this point he kinda gets a bit teary because the fans are chanting “welcome back.” He doesn’t always have to be center stage. Instead he wants to give back to TNA just like Sting has. He wants to make things right and make a difference for TNA. He goes on to explain that there are three steps to him giving back to wrestling: 1^st was Impact last week, 2^nd was Lethal Lockdown and the 3^rd… will surprise everyone.

That brings out Kurt Angle. Angle asks Jarrett why he let Sting get the cover when it was Angle that bought Jarrett back? He put everything on the line and had to hear so much crap from his team to have Double J on Team A and this is how he gets repaid? (Looks like somebody’s jealous). Jarrett says Sting was in the right place at the right time. Angle replies by saying Jarrett is in the wrong place at the wrong time right now. That brings out Sting. (On the other hand, Jeff Jarrett leaves). Stinger asks Angle if he has a problem with the way he got his title shot or with Sting himself. Angle is only here cause people like Jarrett and Sting paved the road for him. Kurt’s only been wrestling for 10 years while Sting and Jarrett have being in the ring for 1 score a piece. Without Steve and Jeff, Kurt Angle would be a “gold medal winning teacher.” If Angle’s got a problem with Sting then let’s settle this the old fashioned way. Sting challenges Angle to a match next week and puts up his Sacrifice Title Shot.

Backstage Team Cage looks on at the tension between Stinger and Angle. They’re so happy. Christian especially cause he’s gonna be NWA world champ and NWA Tag Team champ by the end of the night. But then the attention turns to Abyss. You cost us our match at Lockdown and if you lose tonight Abyss, you’re gonna pay dearly.

Wow look at the talent pool in the ring. Phenomenal matches put on in the past by the X Division Champs and Rhino ain’t too bad himself. This should be a hell of a match. But what’s really strange is that Daniels walks out in a Sting mask. It kinda looks freaky cause he’s bald. Plus he’s got the Sting bat in mind. Daniels and Joe start things off. Joe is one tough ass SOB in this match. He sells no moves and just slaps the crap out of Daniels in the beginning of the match. Daniels retreats by tagging in Rhino. Fellow Team Angle members don’t really hit each other much (only “safe” moves like a headlock) and AJ gets the tag from Joe. They fight and Daniels gets the eventual tag. All four men in the ring and Joe and Styles fight to the outside. Belly to belly on Daniels and Rhino sets up for the Gore. But Daniels clubbed a charging Rhino in the face with the bat to get the win.

After the match Joe and Styles exchange a few hands where it looks as if Joe legitimately punched Styles in the face real hard. He looked concerned and Styles was checking his teeth as we went to break.

Angle’s in the back with Jeremy Borash. He takes this time to accept Sting’s challenge for next week and states that everything Sting said was BS. Angle is mad and says Sting better get out the way cause Angle’s in his prime. And if he doesn’t he’ll just have to be pushed aside. It’s real, it’s damn real.

It seems as if the Roode/Young, Storm/Harris and Kim/Moore rivalries are mixed and matched to give us new matches every week. Well tonight we got Roode (w/Ms. Brooks and Eric Young) against the returning Chris Harris. Before the match we get our usual catfight. This time Jacqueline Moore attacks Gail Kim and they fight into the crowd. Harris is rocking some new ring attire which actually looks pretty cool. But he’s still got the eye patch on. Match starts with Ms. Brooks distracting Harris with her “assets.” This gives Roode the early advantage. When Harris does gain the upper hand, James Storm pulls up a chair on the ramp and watches the match while sipping some beer. This distraction twarts Harris’ momentum and Roode gets back in control. But Harris manages to hit his Catatonic finisher. He had the match won but Ms. Brooks pulled the ref out the ring. That distraction allows Roode to pick up the handcuffs Harris bought to the ring with him and snuff Wildcat for the win.

After the match Eric Young and Ms. Brooks argue on the outside. Brooks pushes Young and Eric actually pushes her to the floor! Robert comes up to Eric and slaps him smackdab hard as hell across the face. He taunts Eric about beating Eric’s “friend” Petey Williams at Lockdown. Young starts smiling and tells Roode that Petey Williams was not his “friend.” Roode replies by giving Eric one week to reveal the identity of his friend or else he’s fired.

In the back we get our weekly Abyss and James Mitchell segment. As usual Abyss is panting and screaming like a caged animal and Mitchell is standing over him yelling and yelling. Again he threatens to call the authorities on Mama Abyss if they lose tonight.

In the back Alex Shelley expresses his surprise to Kevin Nash on how fast the “Black Machismo” gimmick has captured the audience’s interest. Kevin also reveals that he has gotten Lethal and Sonjay a triple threat match for the X Division Title come Sacrifice. Into the picture comes Sonjay Dutt dressed in as Big Daddy Cool, Big Sexy Kevin Nash. At first he tries to pull it off but then Sonjay gets ticked. I look ridiculous! And he ends the segment by saying “Kevin—Stick it!” Ohh, strong words from Dutt and like the longest he’s ever spoken on air.

Before the match begins, the former NWA world Tag Team Champs LAX are shown at the announce table. Konnan will be commentating while Homicide and Hernandez just stand around. We are also shown highlights of the epic Electrified Steel Cage match from Lockdown.

The challengers come out first. When the champs come out they are might with a gigantic ovation and you can see the genuine happiness on Brother Ray’s face. He was so happy he was swinging his belt like a lasso. The commentators address them as “Grand Slam Champions.” And that is true you know. Devon and Cage start things off and match is fairly even. But Team 3D eventually gets control. Then Abyss and Brother Ray get in the ring and Bubba actually hits Abyss with a Rockbottom! It only gets a two. Later in the match, all four men are in the ring. Abyss has Devon up for the electric chair and Christian goes on the top rope. Seems like they were gonna attempt Legion of Doom’s finisher. But Devon jumped off and sent Abyss into Cage, who fell out the ring. Abyss turned around and fell to the 3D deathdrop and Team 3D won. What surprised me is that LAX did not interfere in the match at all.

After the match, is when all the real action took place. Cage was yelling and getting mad at Abyss for losing. But Abyss had heard enough. He got ticked off at him and grabbed Cage for a chokeslam. Mitchell pleads with Aby to let go and he does. But then Cage spat on Abyss and that unleashed hell. Abyss leveled Christian and then set him up for the Shock Treatment. Mitchell comes in the ring and slaps Abyss across the face. Seeing their damsel in distress, Team Cage rushes out to the rescue. Styles, Steiner, and Tomko all gang up on Abyss and beat him down. Abyss fights back and clears the ring of the Christian Coalition. He sets his eyes on Mitchell who pulls out a cell phone to “call the authorities” on his mother. Abyss slaps the phone out of his hand and actually nails Mitchell with the Black Hole Slam. Aby goes to the outside and grabs a bag of thumbtacks but that gives Team Cage time to recover. They lay a whooping on Abyss again as Cage nails him with a steel chair. The shot draws blood and now The Monster is profusely bleeding. But why stop there? Cage hands the chair to Tomko and he too nails Abyss with it. Again why stop there. Steiner gets him some and last but not least AJ Styles. Everyone took turns nailing the poor guy with steel chairs. At this point Abyss is bleeding so much you can’t tell where the mask beings ands where the blood stops. Abyss is literally wearing a crimson mask. Then Styles retrieves a barbed wire bat from under the ring and Christian Cage slams it right into Abyss’ arm and then his head. To cap off the ass kicking of a lifetime, they put the bat against Abyss’ head and strike him with a conchairto. Those son’s of bitches.

Very interesting episode of Impact tonight. I REALLY liked it.

Poor Abyss. Dear God. They beat the holy high hell out of the man for no damn reason. It was uncalled for. I know I might sound like I’m 8 years old but they went too far. As many people as I have seen gets decimated by Triple H and his sledgehammer, this comes in pretty high as an ass kicking of a lifetime. But to be fair, this is what you gotta do to sell you’re top heel as legit tough guys. So good job booking committee, you did one good.

Kurt Angle vs. Sting is a match of Wrestlemania proportions. Two legends in their own respect will be clashing in the ring next week. I can’t wait. Even if they don’t go all out in their match next week this rivalry will be one for the TNA history books. This is definitely a dream match and I know it will live up to its expectations.

Other than that, I was really happy for Team 3D. They really have done it all now and that begs to question: where does it go from here? I just hope the WWE will look past their differences with Ray and Devon, and one day induct The Dudley Boys into the WWE Hall of Fame for they have accomplished.

I guess that just about does it for me. If you have any suggestions, comments or criticisms then please do tell. My e-mail address is Naeem920@gmail.com or you can hit me up with a PM at the Insanity Message Boards. The username is Naeem920.

See you back here in a day or two with The Heat Report.

Until then I'm Saad Naeem and that was Impact.