James E. Couture
Couture's Championship Profiles: ECW Champion Vince McMahon
By James E. Couture
May 3, 2007, 08:35

Folks, every time I try to get out, they keep pulling me, James E. Couture, back in. I didn't want to do it this week, but they made me. I wanted to do what I WANTED to do, but now I have to do what I HAVE to do. Worst sentences ever aside, you know what's coming. I know what's coming. It's Vince McMahon, ECW Champion.

When Vince McMahon decided to grace us stupid marks with a return of ECW, he didn't imagine himself as ECW Champion. No, by creating a third tier World Championship, an "Arena League" title, if you will, Mr. McMahon hoped to shine a light on talent he himself had overlooked or underused, like Rob Van Dam, The Big Show, and Shannon Moore. But then Rosie O'Donnell ruined everything.

One needless, pointless, and flat Donald Trump impersonation started this whole fibacle. Leave that stuff to Conan, Rosie! Though Donald Trump is usually known for his tact and sensibility, he chose to come down from his ivory tower to his diamond studded dissing platforn. After some unfunny slams againts the O'Donnell it should have ended, right? Right?

No, no, no. If there's one thing my wrestling show needs, it's more topical humor. So, one needless, pointless, and flat Rosie v Donald skit/match later, and the war was on: Trump v McMahon. But because one was a feeble old man, and the other was Donald Trump, proxies were needed and so it became Umaga v Lashley. After Lashley helped embalden his enemy at WrestleMania 23 (where feuds begin...not end) a new war was on: McMahon v Lashley.

And though it took Vince McMahon the better part of 1998 to get the WWE Championship off of Stone Cold, it took him the better part of April to get the ECW Title off of Lashley. Thanks to a3 on 1 situation and 2 ginormous belly flops, at Backlash Vince McMahon became ECW Champion. Thanks a lot, Rosie O'Donnell. If The View could have just found something interesting to talk about...

So what will become of the McChamp? Well, after a match I'll call "Four Highspots and a Pinfall" on ECDubya this week, McMahon will face Rob Van Dam in a non-title match next week, and give Bobby Lashley a rematch "some time". Geez, always with the hard sell.

Somehow, like Celine Dion on the Titanic, ECW's heart will go on. Though some call this the final death of the spirit of the original ECW, I say that:

1. Tommy Dreamer is still, in fact, alive, so the "heart and soul" is still there

2. I thought the Extreme Elimination Chamber was supposed to be the death of ECW

3. Like future Rock and Roll Hall of Famers Cinderella once said, "You don't know what you got, till it's gone."

Well folks, I'm gonna take some time to think it over, so until my gypsy road takes me home, I am in fact, James E. Couture.

All hail Vince McMahon, the 62 year old new breed of ECW!