James E. Couture
Couture's Championship Profiles: WCW Champion Randy Savage
By James E. Couture
May 24, 2007, 00:58

Folks, it's been a rough week for me, James E. Couture, after hearing one half of the greatest tag team in history, La Resistance: The Quebec Ones, Rob Conway, was released. I'm sure Brent Majors will work out way better. Eitherhoo, I found solace in my Sunday 'toons, notably King of The Hill. It was whilst listening to the erstwhile Texans that I heard a voice. It sounded like someone who's both crazy and taking a dump. The closing credits confirmed my suspicions: the guest voice was none other than Macho Man Randy Savage. I was shocked, mostly because I thought Randy Savage would spend the rest of his days perched upon his life savings in singles, defending it with a shotgun in case "they" came to take his money. Well, in honor of the newest member of the Voice Actors Guild in Animation, or V.A.G. in A., it's Randy Savage, WCW Champion!

The year was 1999 and WCW was just disinteresting, not yet hilarious. Master P was making'em say "Uhhhhhhh!" in his ongoing war against the Minnesota Cowboy, Curt Hennig, and David Flair was making'em say "Ugh" by wrestling. But the crown jewel of WCDubya was the World Heavyweight Championship. Only the least sensical situations were saved for the World Title.

"Yeah, I was thinking we have two broads make out with each otha while Scott Steiner drives a dump truck into a steel cage and it collapses on Sting with big explosions!" -Vince Russo, PWShoots.com's "Secrets of WCW...Revealed!", 2002

Kevin Nash was reigning as WCW Champion, and trouble was a-brewin'. Sid Vicious was turning red and yelling at Big Sexy, while the Macho Pimp and his troupe of ladies were pressing the issue. Luckily, for some reason, Sting got involved. After a Nitro Special (four guys brawling for reasons indeterminate), WCW President Ric Flair made the match: Sid Vicious and Randy Savage v. Sting and the World Champion Kevin Nash at Bash at the Beach '99. Then, for some reason, Kevin Nash said that if he was pinned he'd lose the championship. And Sting could pin him. But it wasn't a Four Corners Match. And there was Fake Sting. And a hummer. Also, Savage and Vicious were introduced as "two men who care little about World Title belts".

So, after a build up that was, at best, confusing, the match was on. And what a match it was. In what Tony Schiavone probably called "the single most important tag team match ever in the history of this great sport", they let it all hang out, punching, kicking, and even punching. It was a match the likes of which hadn't been seen since Worldwide the previous week. But it would take a low blow by Gorgeous George (the stripper one, not the original's zombie) and an elbow drop to get the 1-2-3. Randy Savage was World Champion.

For about a day brother. According to the reputable Hulkapedia, the next night on Nitro Hulk Hogan "beat Randy Savage with one arm tied behind his back, jack, and the Macho Man was wearing a suit of armor, brother."

Sadly, it would be the Macho Man's last championship, unless TNA gets really desperate...so keep tuned.

Well, until Citgo and Exxon collaborate on a joint venture to purchase both MySpace and Facebook and form a website called "Cit-On MyFace", I am in fact, James E. Couture.

And please, though I may be slim, don't snap into me. Dig it?!?!