| From WorldWrestlingInsanity.com JG's Raw Insanity More Excerpts From:
Chapter 7: The Atari Game That Changed My Life Around 1988, Marty Jannetty turned me on to this amazing game for the Atari 2600. It was called "Mice Mile" and was very similar to the Rube Goldberg game "Mouse Trap." In it you controlled a small rodent by the name of Ratty and guided him through a mile-long maze in order to find the missing cheese. Needless to say, the Heartbreak Kid is very competitive. So whenever someone would whip out the Atari controller, I'd be the first one there to lay down a challenge. Sometimes we played for money. Sometimes we played for fun. No matter what, though, we played. We played that game to death, Jack. In early 1997, everything changed though. I was backstage with the boys, playing a little "Double M," as we called it, when Bret Hart walked in to the room. I hated Bret. He hated me. We both had a lot of hate. That hate translated into competition. The Hitman took a seat next to me and grabbed a controller. He took off the sunglasses he had made out of tin foil and stared deep into my eyes. "Shawn," he said. "This game is going to settle everything. One game. You win, I'll leave. I win, you leave. How's that sound? You interested? Or perhaps you’re chicken." No one calls me chicken. No one! I took that greasy bastard up on his offer and grabbed my joystick. We were going to engage in the biggest battle of all time. The Mice Mile King (myself) against the whiny little punk (him) - the final battle. There can be only one. Sadly, that one was Bret. The Excellence of Poopie beat my ass and I'm not afraid to say so. By the end of the game, he had collected 54 pieces of cheese and finished nine bonus levels. Up until that point, the record was six bonus levels and that was set by the Giant Gonzales way back in '93.
So that was it. The Boy Toy had lost and I had two options. I could either do the smart thing and quickly switch off the Atari console, claiming that the loss never happened. Or I could simply fulfill my end of the deal and leave the WWE. In the end, thanks to my noble and magnanimous nature, I chose to accept my defeat and make good on my wager. Within fifteen minutes, I was standing in the center of the ring with Vince McMahon. Ol' Vinnie Mac told the audience that I had a major announcement. That I did. I had to leave the company. I stood there with tears in my eyes and let my employer know the sad truth. I had to leave World Wrestling Entertainment because I had lost Mice Mile. Still shocked by my stunning defeat at the hands of Bret, I handed the belt to Vince and said, "I'm gonna go home now. Okay?" As I left the ring, I hung my head, but still felt proud of the unselfish act I had just done. After all, I could have stayed. I could have been the top banana in WWE. Yet, I lost a bet. I had to make good on that. I came to find out shortly thereafter that some people twisted my words around. Get this - there were actually some people out there who thought I had said that I lost "my smile." My smile? What?! Come on. That doesn't even make f**kin' sense. My smile? Man. Some people will say anything to get website hits.
Chapter 3: Me and Jose When I was about 15 years old, my family moved from New Jersey to California. It was a tough move, but one that helped to make me a man. When we got to California, it was hard to make friends. Kids were different out there. They had tans and beach parties. It was a different world than I was used to. However, ol' HBK was always slick with the ladies. Within a week, I had a Cali girl on my arm. Her names was Ali (with an I) and she was awesome. Unfortunately, she had a crazy ex-boyfriend. He didn't take kindly to me dating her and really let me have it at a beach party we all attended. As I laid on the ground with sand in my face, Ali tried to comfort me but I begged her to just leave me alone. I started working out more and studying different forms of self defense. One day while I was practicing, the superintendent of our condo stopped by to fix the drain in our kitchen. He was older and had a broken accent, but took interest in my practice. He was perplexed over how I could learn kicks from a book, but I told him I had to do what I had to do. Apparently, I hadn't done enough. A few days later, I ran into Ali's crazy ex at a Halloween party. He and his friends beat me down until Mr. Lothario came to my rescue. After that, he offered to train me. He said he could help me stop these guys from harassing me. Mr. Lothario had me come over every day, but always made me do his yard work. He had me painting his house and fence. He even made me wax his car. Then one fateful day, I came to be trained and found he had gone fishing! Not only that, but he had left me a list of instructions for what I should do until he came home. He had all this housework listed! What?! Who did he think I was? Marla Gibbs from the Jeffersons? Rosey from the Jetsons? Some other pop-culture maid? No way, Jose (Lothario.) The Heartbreak Kid ain't nobody's house boy. I waited for him to come home to let him have it. He walked into the yard at around midnight. I was waiting. "You didn't tell me you were going fishing!" I yelled when I saw him. "You not here when I go." "Maybe I wanted to go." His response was comical. "You training." "I'm what? I'm being your goddamn slave! We made a deal here." "So?" "So"? You're supposed to teach and I'm supposed to learn. Four days I've been busting my ass, I haven't learned a thing." "You learn plenty." "I've learned to sand your decks. I've waxed your car, I paint your house, paint your fence." At this point, I was irate and fed up. "Not everything is as seems." "Bullshit! I'm going home." I turned to leave, but he called out to me. "Shawn!" I begrudgingly returned and he had me go through the same motions I had made when painting the house and waxing the car. I was shocked to learn that each movement corresponded to a self-defense technique! Oh My Goodness! I knew how to defend myself! Mr. Lothario had taught me how to fight and I didn't even know it! We went to the school where Ali's ex-boyfriend worked out and laid down the challenge. When his teacher accepted, Mr. Lothario declined. He cited that it would be "Too much advantage. Your dojo." We all decided we should settle this situation in a public setting where the entire town could watch me give this punk some Sweet Chin Music. So, Mr. Lothario and I went to the Hill Valley competition and entered the martial arts tournament. The evil dojo tried to take me our early by sweeping my leg, but it didn't work. Mr. Lothario used his magic hands to heal me and Ali ran out to the ring. The announcer was shocked. "Shawn Michaels is gonna fight? Shawn Michaels is gonna fight!" The fight went down in history and I ended up taking Johnny down with a beautifully executed Crane Kick. I had become Hill Valley champion! Although I broke up with Ali after she smashed my car at the prom, Mr. Lothario and I stayed tight. We went to Okinawa the following year and then battled Mike Barnes and Terry Silver in the third movie. It was a great time in my life. (WWE Note: Shawn Michaels has taken many bumps in his career and sometimes confuses his own life with films he's seen. Our apologies to the director and studio that produced the Karate Kid films)  ***
Back to Page 1: Excerpts
from the Shawn Michaels Story By James Guttman (JG Note: Before anything, I just want to let you guys know that World Wrestling Insanity - The Book is now available for pre-order on Amazon.com. You can order it by clicking this link or one of the other billion times the link will be appearing in this article.) Well, there you have it. Shawn Michaels
has a WWE book deal. Bret Hart has a WWE DVD deal. Vince
wins. Vince wins. Vince wins. Speaking of wins, what
will the winner of tonight's Smackdown-Raw battle need
to do in order to be successful? Does Triple H have
a message to send to the crazy old man he used to hang
out with? If so, will he send it? If he does send it,
which midcarder will look bad because of it? So many
questions need to be answered tonight. They're not really
interesting questions, but they're questions. So that's
something, I guess. Sit back, kids and enjoy the larger-than-life
stars while they're still "larger than life."
(Buncha people are about to start shrinking, if you
get my meaning.) Luckily for us, it's all gonna be televised.
Where? USA. When? Right now! Why? Shut up with the questions
already and just watch Raw... Raw Theme Plays. There it is, kids. Big Ben. Parliament. Hello everyone! We are live in Sheffield, England! (JG Note: Big Ben. Parliament.) Little Joey, Horny Jerry, and Jilted Johnny all welcome me to Monday Night Raw..or, as they say in England, welcome me to Rubbish. Team Raw heads to the ring. For those of you unfamiliar with Team Raw. They are Shawn Michaels, Chris Masters, Carlito, Big Show, and Kane. In case you think that sounds weird, don't worry. You're right. It does sound weird. Shawn Michaels and Chris Masters were just feuding five minutes ago. Now they're defending the honor of the weasley little General Manger that Shawn doesn't like anyway. OK. Sure. I gotcha. Right. The team makes it's way to the ring and John Coachamn says we've never seen a Survivor Series team like this one before. Why? Well, 'cause this team's captain has a $3,000 suit. (JG Note: Uh, didn't Ted DiBiase have a Survivor Series team? Wasn't he the Million Dollar Man? I mean, I know his suits were made out of the material they use for Slip and Slides, but it had to have been worth something, right? Right?) Once all the former enemies are in the ring, Eric Bischoff oozes up the aisle and takes center stage among them. He looks dead into the camera and lays down the law to the Friday Night Brand. Smackdown may think they have what it takes to compete with Raw, but they don't. Oh no, no, no. Uncle Eric is going to take down that crew if they show their collective face tonight. During this segment, Bisch looks right into the camera while Carlito Cool stands behind him. The funny thing is that his head is perfectly situated in front of Carlito's. So Carl's crazy fro sticks out from all the sides of Bisch's head. It looks like he's spouting bushy branches from his scalp. Bischoff then turns our attention to Todd Grisham on the big screen. You see, Toddly is out in the parking lot with a microphone in hand to keep us up to date on whether or not the Team SD is on the premises. Todd confirms that no one has arrived yet and it doesn't surprise Easy E. He knew there would be no issues arising from the Smackdowners tonight. Why? Well, because of Eric's team! Because of his soldiers! Uh oh. Them words don't fly with Big Show. Biggie grabs the mic from Bisch's slimy hand and says, well…he says this: "First of all, Bischoff, we are
your nothing." Uh, what? What's worse…the crowd cheered this line. Of course, there was brief pause while we all tried to figure out exactly what he meant. Funny. Big Nothing goes on to say that this isn't about Bischy. This is about proving themselves. Both he and Kane went to Smackdown to take out Batista. They did it to hurt him. The Bottom line is that Tista was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As soon as he said "time," I braced myself for Vader. No joke. I really thought he was going to come running out and ruin Thanksgiving for all of us. Instead of Big Van, we got Big Todd. The Grishmeister yells out that the dreaded Teddy Long Army has arrived. They're here! They're here! God help us! They're here! John Bradshaw Layfield's Boss Hog limo is in the parking lot and Batista steps out. No one explains how JBL drove to England, but that's besides the point. After Tista emerged, he was followed out by Teddy Long, Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, Bobby Lashley, and Bradshaw. (JG Note: Rey had on a little suit. It was adorable. I think he bought it at Build-a-Bear.) Deacon Dave grabs the microphone and challenges the Raw crew to come out to the parking lot and throw down. This sends the Monday Night World Order into a disarray. They all want to go out to the parking lot, but ATM Eric begs them not to. Go to the parking lot? You must be out of your mind, Jellyhead. You've really blown it. Luckily Shawn Michaels makes the decision for him. The Karate Kid leads his group from the ring into a parking lot brawl while Bischoff protests to deaf ears. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that this segment isn't very fun. There's no continuity anywhere at all here. They had finally given Masters a steady push and now they've undone it by standing him next to Shawn Michaels and not hitting him. Carlito is following HBK into war? JBL is letting Batista ride in his limo? Randy Orton is in the limo with them? Isn't he challenging for the World Title on Friday? My God, I have a headache. It's all stupid, no matter how you slice it. Even if they all have "brand pride," the explanation most are using to explain this, that doesn't mean they have to hang out with each other. You know what? I take that back. They can hang out with each other if they want. WWE can do this little skit. But if they do, don’t have two of them scheduled to fight each other later on in the same week! I just don't get the way things are done around here sometimes. It's like they go to great lengths to achieve logic holes and continuity problems. Maybe that's the goal. Maybe WWE is like a big version of the prank reality program, the Joe Schmo Show and we're all the Schmos. It's starting to feel that way. Where were we? Oh yeah. The brawl is on the horizon, but first you need to watch some commercials. Go on. Watch them. If you don't, you'll hurt Vince McMahon's feelings. You don't want to do that, do you? OK then. Now scoot. Commercial Break. You know what I noticed? At no point in WWE's Toy commercial do they show a kid. They show hands playing with the figures, but never the body that the hand is attached to. I guess that's their loophole. "We don't market to children. We market to grown men who have little boy hands."
Outside the arena, all of Smackdown's stars are dressed to Johnny Ace's liking in dress clothes. JBL was wearing a pink button up shirt. (JG Note: Aw. I like Bradshaw's pink shirt. He looked so pretty. Pretty like a little girl. Awwww. Everyone look at the the little girl. Little girl in a pink shirt. Little girl in a pink shirt. Nyah. Nyah.) The Raw team stopped before confronting the Smackdown squad and had themselves a little pep talk. Seeing as how everyone is friends now, they decide to go for broke and attack the Blue and Silver bitches. It's all for Raw and Raw for all. When the face to face confrontation goes
down, it's a sissy slap from Batista that starts it
all. He fruitily swats Big Show in the face and it's
on. Chris Masters locks Rey Rey in the Masterlock while
HBK and JBL battle with punches. During all this, a
loud crash is heard. When the camera catches up to the
noise, we see that it's Tista. The World Champion has
been chokeslammed through a windshield. Oh my God! This
is too far! Teddy Long calls for a medic as we go to
commercial. This is crazy! Come on, guys. Brawling and
Full Nelsons are one thing. A broken windshield - that's
another. Where's the line? Huh? Where's the line? Commercial Break. In his new DVD, Bret
“Hit Man” Hart: The Best There Is, The Best
There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be, Bret says
he doesn't regret doing what he he did in Montreal to
Vince McMahon. After all, if he didn't do it, Vince
couldn't make money off of selling the story to you
on DVD. See how that works?
Todd Grisham cannot believe what he just saw. Sorry. He's just not a very trusting person. He shows us the remains of the windshield following the World Champion's chokeslam at the hands of the New Skyscrapers. Batista has been taken to what Todd "can only assume" is a local medical facility. (JG Note: See. Told you he wasn't trusting.) Eric Bischoff then runs into the shot. You want a newsflash, Grishy? Huh? You never mess with Eric Bischoff! On that note, we go back to the arena and cue the music of someone who messed with Eric Bischoff. See the irony in how this show is laid out? People like to amuse themselves. Whooo!
Count Stephiepants Von Fuzzyface - Triple H to his friends - appears high above on the TitanTron. He tells Ric Flair that in anticipation of Sunday's match at the Survivor Series, he will be sending him a message about survival tonight. Aye aye, Count. We hear you loud and clear and we look forward to watching you do your fuzzyfaced assault. Commercial Break. USA is going to be playing the movie Bruce Almighty three nights in a row. They claim that they're doing it to celebrate it's network premiere. Of course! What better way to celebrate than by making the world sick of it?
We join Tajiri versus Rob Conway already in progress. Why already in progress? Because it doesn't matter. You see before the action can get too intense... A little girl comes to the ring! There's a little girl in a pink shirt and she's beating everyone up! Oh wait...that's Bradshaw. Sorry. My bad. The former Acolyte goes to town on both men and leaves them in pain while he takes the house mic from Lillian Garcia. John is upset about the evening. Layfield says "My World Champion, Batista (?!) is going to the hospital!" He challenges Chris Masters to a fight to settle this score. The audience has absolutely no idea who to cheer for. Can't blame them. Neither do I. Bischoff asks John who he thinks he is to march in here and make demands. To this, Layfield responds, "I'm JBL and that's damn enough!' Uncle Eric ain't down with that, buddy. You're the dumbest man on this Earth to walk into Raw the way you have. How's about a match to knock some sense into you, Michael Wallstreet? How's about a match with Canada's Least Favorite Man...Shawn Michaels! The crowd still has no idea to react. There's some more trash talk and apathetic reactions from the audience as JBL takes his leave through the crowd. I can't really express how unhappy I am with how this entire conflict is being presented. There's no clear cut lines between the two teams as to who is good and who is bad. If they're going to make them all tweeners and have them interact with each other, at least play off past issues and tease tension. There's been nothing of substance to any of this. For such a long awaited feud (SD vs Raw), this really feels like a let down. Last week, Shelton Benjamin and Kurt Angle
went to the limit. Now, watch them go to the limit again.
It's coming up...after the commercial break. Commercial Break. Just tell your grandma
that you forgot about your visit because you were too
busy getting stoned. She'll understand...(if
you give her some drugs.) Hit me. What do people like most? Puppies? Cookie Dough? Sex? The Emergency Broadcast System. The high pitched beeps. People love that! Let's put that in Kurt Angle's intro. The fans will love it! We'll make their marky little ears bleed! 2. Kurt Angle pinned Shelton Benjamin with Shawn Daivari as guest referee. Look. I don't like to swear, but that Kurt Angle censoring thing is the most annoying shit ever invented. It beeps every other second of his theme song. I can't express how much I hate it. The Benji-Man can't believe his eyes when he sees Daivari emerge from the curtain. He's here with a ref's shirt and looks forward to officiating the match. This can't be fair! This can't be fair! Well, life isn't fair, Shelly. Nah - ah. Muhammad Hassan's old running buddy obviously favors Your Olympic Hero, but doesn't do anything too blatantly biased....until the end. While locked in an anklelock, SB manages to roll up Kurt for the pin. Daivari counts three...but only after rolling Angle on top of the pin heap. Kurtis wins and the stupid beeping thing plays again. Commercial Break. Gun
is rated M for Mature. Sorry kiddies. No gun for you.
You only use guns when you get older. When you do...they're
a game! Whee! By the way, the new army game, Call of
Duty, is rated T for Teen. Digest that.
We're back and Angle is explaining the reason why Daivari is here. From now on, he will be Angle's personal official. That's right. He will be ruling over all of Kurt's encounters as his permanent referee and that includes the World Title match with John Cena at Survivor Series. (JG Note: Hey, at least it's somewhat original.) What does this angry little man have in common with the bald Olympian? They're both persecuted Americans, that's what. Refvari screams in Farsi until DJ Jazzy John interrupts. Cena appears on the Titantron and teaches us all a new term: "Kurt. Kurt! Kurt! Stop it, man.
Pipe down! You're acting like freakin' ham sandwich!" Huh? A ham sandwich? What do you have against ham, John? Ham is good. With mustard or eggs or on a sandwich, ham is delicious. You can tear apart any minority you want, but ham is over the line, pal. What's wrong with a ham sandwich? What did it ever do to you besides make your belly full? Huh? That's just f**ked up, man. Just f**ked up. Anyway, Hambone tells Angle that he's going to get some answers. The Doctor of Thuganomics is going to get some comments on Kurt Angle. His first stop is the Diva's locker room. For some reason, John turns into Jell-O around naked women and starts to nervously stutter as he's flashed by Candice Michelle. Wow. He's so cool. Eventually, he's thrown out by Victoria. The audience doesn't react at all to this. I don't know. There's something about his street gimmick that doesn't match with being a giddy dork around beautiful women. What's more, the young babyface World Champion was just tossed out of a locker room by a midcard Diva. I can't imagine how that looked good even on paper. Dr. Thuggypants tries to make a joke but quickly shifts his attention to Gene Snitksy and Tyson Tomko. The duo are hanging out backstage and Gene is apparently rubbing Tyson's neck. We shouldn't be surprised because WWE has pretty much decided that every monster on the roster is gay. WWE- from "What the World is Watching" to "the Land of Gay Monsters." Hooray. John is, of course, flustered by this. As he leaves, Snitsky calls out that it wasn't his fault. It gets a laugh, both from the crowd and from me, The third stop isn't the charm. The C-Man opens a closet where he finds the 40 year old Boogeyman. Boogie sings London Bridge while the Street Thug makes silly faces and looks around like a total tool. He closes the door, makes some more perplexed expressions, and then opens it again. Darth Maul finishes the song with "My fair lady" and then smashes an alarm clock on his head. Blah. To show his confusion, the WWE Champion makes a face that looks like he has constipation. No wonder he makes so many jokes about it. Maybe he suffers from it. Finally Johnny admits that the WWE Superstar idea was "a right turn down bad idea street." (JG Note: No kidding, Champ.) However, there's plenty of fans to give their opinion. Let's see what these hooligans have to say. The C-Man runs into the crowd and takes a survey. He asks fans what they think of Kurt Angle. Man #1: Sucks! Woman #1: Sucks! Grinning Weirdo #1: Sucks. Kid with a Buzzcut: Hizut. Kurt protests, but is drowned out by John. He asks the crowd to express their feelings for the Olympian. They're supposed to chant "You Suck," but it doens't really happen that way. The announcers and Angle pretend they do though. We all do. It makes things more fun. From all this, Cena surmises that K.A. still sucks! A brawl ensues and the #1 Contender finds himself beaten down by the Titleholder. JC tosses the Anglenator from the ring and stands tall, challenging the Arab-American Connection to come get some. They don't, though. They just leave. They must not want some. Still to come: HBK meets JBL. Someone call the ASPCA, AT&T, and the CIA. SRO signs went out early. Commecial Break. Axe Body Spray - If you use it, a MILF will give you a bath. Guess what?
3. Val Venis defeated Triple H via disqualification Yup, yup. The Big Valbowksi beat the Game. He beat him. You read it right. Sure, he had to do it by DQ after Helmsley beat the snot out of him, but a win's a win. My favorite part of this match was that the announcers sold it as though Sean Morely was getting revenge for Viscera's beating last week. They're still a team? This match is for the honor of Mabel? Duh. It should be noted that Venis was wearing green trunks. For a second, I thought he was doing a leprachaun gimmick. Lucky for him, his character doesn't matter anymore or else it would create gimmick confusion. There's no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow for Cheif Morely. Count Stephiepants slams the ring bell across his head for the disqualification. Oh no! Someone ring the bell. Oh wait...he just did. Hi-yo! Oh wait....I get it now. This was all part of Fuzzy's masterplan. This is the message that was being sent to Ric Flair. This is what the Game is all about. The Cerebral Assassin uses a steel chair to further make his point on Val. Instead of finding his Lucky Charms, Mr. V finds himself the victim of a vicious beating. After the chair attack, Hunter gives Lord Valium a wedgie and then hits the Pedigree. Despite the DQ loss, it's a moral victory for Terra Ryzin. If nothing else, he got to give another man a wedgie on TV. That's gotta give him some sort of satisfaction. Backstage, a British official informs Eric Bischoff that Teddy Long is outside and demanding to see him. Bischoff thinks about it and informs the local man to send Teddy into his office. I would like to point out that this is the first time I've ever seen a British character on WWE TV who wasn't wearing the Union Jack on some article of his clothing. Commercial Break. Let me see if I get
this right. Undertaker is going to wrestle like five
times a year or so. Every time he comes back after a
few months, we're going to do one of these stupid back-from-the-dead
things? It's getting less and less exciting each time.
They should start mixing it up. Have him bring back
Elvis with him next time. Something. Anything. Just
stop selling the same thing every other pay show.
5. Candice Michelle pinned Mickie James This match had nothing to do with the women involved. It was about the WWE Women's Champion, Trish Stratus. While standing at ringside in support of her stalker, Mickie James, Trish found herself jumped by two masked men. They carried her off and left Mickie alone to be attacked by Victoria and pinned by Candy. The crowd is so electified you could hear a pin drop. Jerry Lawler goes off to "save"
Trish Stratus. He leaves the announce table to find
her. Personally, I think he's just looking to find her
while she's still tied to a chair and most likely unconscious. Commecial Break. You can get all six Star Wars collectible watches at Burger King. You can also get high cholesterol and a weight problem at Burger King. Yay. It's fun on so many levels. 6. Shawn Michaels vs JBL in a Lumberjack Match ended in a no-contest I really hate when matches have a definite ending before they even begin. Any Lumberjack match that involves the wrestlers bringing their own lumberjacks falls into that category. I mean, they can be biased towards certain people, but for the enforcers to accompany certain particpants to the match just smacks of screwjob finish. Making matters worse, continuously having gimmick matches that end without clear decisions, WWE is sending the message that even these big events won't settle things once and for all. Specialty matches need to be protected, no different than you would a character. They need to be special and final. There shouldn't be non-finishes for matches like this. There should always be a winner and a loser - clean or otherwise. Regardless of the finish, someone's hand should be held up in order to solidify the importance of the contest. This match was weird in the sense that the audience still had no idea who to cheer. Shawn Michaels was the crowd favorite, but he had Carlito and Chris Masters in his corner. JBL is the evil heel, but he's defending Batista's honor, alongside Rey Mysterio! What a confusing, forced angle. Maybe it's just me, but I don't like to pay money for shows that are sold on the basis of confusing, forced angles. Do you? The match itself was OK, but based on an illogical foundation. The crowd seemed unenthused for the most part until the end. Brashaw missed the Clothesline from Hell and Shawn Michaels hit him with the Sweet Chin Music. Rather than allow the certain loss, Randy Orton rushed in and landed an RKO on Shawn. The two teams rushed the ring and Randall again hit his RKO, this time on Carlito. A brawl erupted and Rey Mysterio headscissored Chris Masters over the ropes to the floor. In the ring, Big Show smacked Orton with a shoulderblock while Kane clotheslined Blaster Lashley. Rey got back to his feet and launched himself off the top rope into the ring. The Big Red Machine caught him by the throat and hit a chokeslam. Lashley took down Big Red, but his advantage didn't last long. Team Kane Show hit him with a double chokeslamed until his savior came. Dave Batista arrived, wrapped in masking tape and carrying a pipe. He slammed Dr. Yankum across the head with it and then hit Show with a Spinebuster. Music played and Tista celebrated the beating. John Coachman asks who would have thought that Batista would be the last man standing in the ring at the end of the night. To be honest, Coach, it never crossed my mind. I genuinely didn't care enough to ponder anything about this show. Actually, I'm still figuring out who to cheer for. I'm perplexed as we fade to black. All in all... I pretty much said it all above. This show was mired in confusion as each wrestler was ripped from his character's situation and placed alongside former enemies to take on a common foe. It doesn't make much sense and the interaction between all the teams really detracts from any effort they've put into building these characters. Chris Masters and Carlito look particularly bad in all this. Masters should not be side by side with HBK. Carly shouldn't be inspired by Shawn's pep talks. On the flip side, Randy Orton should not be in a limo with Batista when he's supposed to fight him for the World Title on Friday. Where's this kid's priorities? You can ride in the limo with him, Randy. Just slam him in the head with a champagne bottle when he's not looking. I don't know. Raw was messy tonight. You can chalk it up to whatever you want, but there were some easily correctable mistakes tonight and WWE chose to ignore them. With a pay-per-view on Sunday, that's not a smart move. Speaking of Sunday, we'll have live match by match coverage of Survivor Series right here on WorldWrestlingInsanity.com. Stay tuned and check back throughout the week for more features. Until then, be well and thanks for sharing my insanity.
*** Write to James at: James@WorldWrestlingInsanity.com© Copyright by WorldWrestlingInsanity.com WorldWrestlingInsanity.com is not
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