JG's Retro Raw Insanity
JG's 10/27/03 Raw Insanity: Chris Jericho's Ten Minute Title Reign
By James Guttman
Nov 16, 2005, 13:44

(JG Note: Recently, Andrew "Test" Martin released a statement on his website - http://www.andrewtestmartin.com/ that tore into WWE for their treatment of wrestlers. You can read the statement here. Many people were questioning one specific part of the statement. This one:

"My 7 years of busting my ass for them and putting over the bosses son while my foot was broken in a cast were all forgotten about..."

He was right, because many people didn't know what the hell he was talking about. Well, he was talking about this...)

***

JG's 10/27/03 Raw Insanity
Chris Jericho's Ten Minute Title Reign

By James Guttman

Dolce Tarrytown House Hotel
The Wedding of Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Stephanie McMahon

October 25, 2003 *** Please sign in below and leave a message for the couple

Guest: Bradshaw

Hunter, Stephanie, I can't express how great it is to be here. You two are probably the greatest people I've ever met. I can't imagine how incomplete my life would be without you two. You are truly the finest individuals that God has ever created. Every day that I'm alive, I stop and thank my maker for granting me the privilege to know you. I'm not just saying that because I work for you. I'm saying that because it's the truth. I love you both. Give me a push.

Guest: Dave Batista

What a great event. Glad to be here. By the way Hunter, you still owe me some money. I asked Vince about it and he said something about a "work." I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. All I know is that I beat up Goldberg and you said you'd give me money. So, make with the money, bitch.

Guest: Rob Van Dam

I hate you both. You smell. Please fire me.

Guest: Chris Jericho

You two have done a tremendous job with the wedding. The flowers, the colours, they're all beautiful. I wish you nothing but the best, you sanctimonious son-of-a-bitch and you bottom-feeding, trash bag ho.

Guest: Brian, Dave and the rest of the Writing Team

Poo. Poo. Poo. Lesbians. Poo. Comic books. Vince McMahon. Fire. Poo.

Guest: Kevin Nash

Dear Hunter and Stephanie. Wolfpack in the House! I'm writing this to wish you good luck in your marria….OW! Oh no! I broke my hand! Ow! God damn! Ow!

Guest: Tugboat

Toot! Toot!

Guest: Randy Savage

I only showed up because I heard Hulk Hogan would be here. Where are you at, Hulk? Let's do this! Be a man! Oooo yeah! Dig it!

Guest: Michael Hayes

I have a surprise for you guys, but I better wait until I get a few beers in me. Freebirds forever!

***

The fabled wedding is now over. But don't fret, because it's Monday and you know what that means. Does Shane McMahon have something in store for the big Red Machine Kane? How can Eric Bischoff's ragtag group of rule breakers continue to grow en route to their epic showdown with Stone Cold's Hollywood Blondes at the Survivor Series? Will Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus finally cement their Canadian love? What about Christian and Matt Hardy's boo-tay? Did Dave Batista spend his 100 grand on tattoos and shiny trunks? Can Goldberg rise against adversity and get revenge on the Evolved monster? Do you think that Hunter and Stephanie left a bag of candy outside their house for trick-or-treaters considering that they'll be away for Halloween? Buckle up and hide the bodies, we're about to get all the answers right here for Raw!

October 27, 2003.…Fayetteville, NC

Recap of Batista beating Bill Goldberg and earning a chunk of Triple H's change.

Raw Theme Plays. Ted DiBiase hates it.

Party! Party hearty! It's Monday. It's nine o'clock. It's time to party. This is your excellent host Jim Ross and with him as always is King. Party on, Ross. Party on, King. This show beings ominously as an ominous steel cage is hanging above. The announcers claim that no one will tell them why it's here. They question it. What is it's purpose? Why is it here tonight? Pretty friggin' ominous.

Thing start off with Evolution. Ric Flair, Randy Orton and their manservant Batista are wearing street clothes and are prepared to speak their mind. Since this is Flair Country, the Nature Boy starts us off and breaks the bad news to all the Goldberg marks in the house. If you were looking to see the Champion in action, you're out of luck. Billy G is on the shelf. Who can you thank for that? Well, you can thank Deacon Batista! Tista takes the microphone and gives Bill his due. He's good. One problem though, Davey B is just that much better than you, Berg. Remember that near-hit with the limo? How about those boxes that fell on you? Well Batista proclaims "I did it!" (JG Note: It would have been cooler if he said, "I did it…with my mind.") It was head games, Goldy. You know what else? It was easy. You were an easy target. It was no problem for Deacon Dave Batista.

On that note, Randy Orton takes the mic and switches gears over to the matter of the World Championship. It can't belong to Goldberg anymore. After all, he's down and out. Who should get the gold? Call Randy crazy, but he's in favor of giving the strap back to the previous Champion, Triple H. (JG Note: I back him on this decision. Hell, we know Hunter will get the title back eventually. Might as well get on the bandwagon now. Go Game.)

"Hey, is this Smackdown General Manager Paul Heyman? Hey, Paul. It's Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff. Ironic, right? Never pictured it ending like this. How the hell did this happen?"

Eric Bischoff hits the area and he's got a little black sack with him. The Jolly Old Bisch takes the microphone and rips into the Evolvers. Do they have any idea how their actions have affected Uncle Eric? He relies on Goldberg to defend the title all over the planet! For that, Eric tells them that they've made him… the happiest man on the planet! Boo, bad guy! Bischy hates the Champ. After all, it was BG that Speared Schoff in this ring. With that, Eric exclaims "Screw Bill Goldberg and screw all of you!" You wanna talk screwed? Well, when Bill was being helped up the ramp last week following his spanking at the hands of Batista, he neglected to bring his title with him. Bischoff reaches into his magic fun pouch and pulls out the World Title. Billy G won't be back in time to defend his title in the allotted thirty days, so it's over. Goldy, if you're watching at home, Eric wants you to pay attention as he relinquishes the title to Evolution so they can deliver it to a man who deserves it more than any other….

The Today Show - This Coming Thursday:

Katie Couric: We're joined by the author of Stone Cold Truth, Steve Austin. Welcome, Steve.

Steve Austin: Thank you, Katie. I know it's a bit early, but ol' Stone Cold figured he'd open up a beer right here on the Today Show and pound a few while telling you about his new book, whatdaya say? You want a Steveweiser?

Katie Couric: No thank you, Steve. I don't drink.

Steve Austin: Don't drink?! Don't drink?! Ahhhh!!!!

violence, mass carnage, screams, bloodshed

Matt Lauer: What have you done?! For the love of God! What have you done?!

That's an episode of the Today Show that would make my Tivo. Anyway, Stone Cold Steve Austin makes an appearance and stops Bischoff right before he can name the new champion. What are you doing, Eric? You left something in the bag. Let Steve Austin take it out for you. Stone Cold reaches in and ruffles around before pulling out the predictable middle finger. (JG Note: It would have been funny if he pulled a rabbit out.) Goldberg's coming back, Bisch. Austin doesn't know how or when, all he knows is that it's happening. While saying this, Ric Flair stares from the side with his mouth hanging open in shock. Stone Cold tells him to "wipe that stupid look of your face." You had to be there. It was funny. The bottom line is that Berg is back and he's out for revenge. Because of that, the Texas Rattlesnake has signed a match for the Survivor Series. It will be Bill Goldberg facing Triple H! This drives Flair nuts and he goes buck until Austin tells him..

"Settle down before you blow your pacemaker, kid."
- Steve Austin to Ric Flair, 9:14pm

If Goldberg is too hurt to compete as you claim, then he'll just be easy-pickings for Triple H. Healthy or not, Bill is coming to Survivor Series and that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so! The music hits but is cut short by the bounty hunter Batista. He gets in Steve's face. What's the deal, Rattlesnake? You want to come and rain on the Evolution parade? Tista suggests that maybe the Bionic Redneck is on the hunt for some provocation. Don't fret, Stoney. Batista steals a line from his vanquished foe and tells the GM, "You're next!" Uh oh. Bizness is 'bout to pick up! Before anything can happen besides cold stares, the camera shifts to…

The ring is rushed by last week's thieves, Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade. (JG Note: Jindrak and Cade are now wearing red trunks, further solidifying them as the Young Stallions of a new generation.) They beat down Ric Flair and Randy Orton before Davey B can return to the ring. As he does they escape through the crowd. Good segment.

Still to come: Shane McMahon meets a mystery opponent. The announcers think it's Kane. That means it's not Kane.

Commercial Break. Playstation 2 has this camera that puts players on the screen. They have to move their arms to do stuff. They have to get America's youth to move at least a little bit. When I was a kid, I had the Nintendo power pad. You were supposed to run on it. It was cool until you figured out that you could just sit on the floor and hit the pad with your hands really fast instead.

Trish Stratus is in her bra and on the phone. Lita comes in, also in her bra, and questions whether Strats has gotten any interesting voice mails lately. If you're implying that Chris Jericho left a message, Lita, then yes. Yes he did. Fozzy wanted to wish Miss Trish a healthy good luck. (JG Note: I'm transcribing what they're saying, but the whole point of this segment was to see these two in their bras and talking. They could have had them say "Gooba gabba gooba" and most of the audience wouldn't have noticed.) Be careful, Trish. With Christian saving Lita last week and Y2J into you, something's rotten. Leave it to Lita. She'll go out and get the dirt. Leets runs off to investigate. If I didn't know they were both wrestlers and saw this skit by itself, I'd think it was a soft core porn women's prison scene.

Can you dig it….Sucka!

(1) Booker T pinned Rico after a Scissors Kick Once again we get to destroy Rico's already terrible gimmick further by pointing out how he was a Las Vegas police officer. Pretty manly credentials as he wears eye shadow, glitter and Shawn Michaels's old tights with fringe. Rico went at him pretty hard early, but this was nothing special. Jackie Gayda cheered on from ringside. However Booker regained control and unloaded on Rico. After a solid shot, Jim Ross informed me that "Booker T exploded all over Rico's face." Gotcha, Jim. Book nails his flamboyant foe with the Scissors Kick for the 1,2,3. It's all over but the shouting.

Booker's celebration is cut short by an angry Chris Jericho. Y2J informs the Hungry Man that people didn't pay to see him wrestle. They paid to see an impromptu Highlight Reel. Since you're already in the Undertaker's yard, why not be Jericho's guest? Sound good? Question number one: How could you be so stupid? Need clarification? How could you, Booker T, be so stupid as to join Steve Austin's team at Survivor Series? You know who you're facing? Well let's bring out Scott Steiner and the newest member of Team Bischy at the Series…Christian!

As Big Poppa Pump and Sister Christian walk the aisle, Jericho puts the plan in full motion. Lower that ominous cage! It's a trap! It's a damn trap! The bad guys pummel Booker with kicks as the cage slowly lowers. Before it makes it's full fall, Rob Van Dam comes shotgunning out of the locker room and enters the ring. With chair in hand, he jets Jericho, Christian and Freakzilla before taking the microphone and declaring himself to be on the Rattlesnake's Team at the Thanksgiving tradition…Thanksgiving Eve tradition…uh, sometime in November tradition. Book asks if we dig that, sucka.

Commercial Break. Castrol GTX and Carrotop really seem to have been dropped from the rotation. It's a shame that I notice these things.

Chris Jericho and Eric Bischoff are flipping out in the leather couch room. The nerve of Rob Van Dam! You know, Bisch, there's a way to take care of RVD and send a message to Steve Austin all at once. Give Chris an Intercontinental Title match tonight. Eric gives the ok. Tonight it's Rob Van Dam defending against Chris Jericho. (JG Note: Torch readers, be nice about this match. I think we all remember what happened that last time.)

Holla.

Mark Henry and Teddy Long walk the ramp with mic in hand. Long rocks an angry Nation of Domination style promo, calling out Steve Austin and throwing in terms like "cracker" and "white boy" for effect. Speaking of white boy, Mark Henry is fixing to beat one. Let's bring the next one in so Chef can pound him like Salisbury steak.

Who's the whitest guy we have?

Crash Holly? No wait, he left. Spanky? He's on Smackdown. Nope. Coachman? Yeah he would work…no, Lance Storm. Go get Lance Storm.

(2) Mark Henry defeated Lance Storm via disqualification when Shawn Michaels interfered Well, this whole Lance Storm thing lasted a while, huh? Back to filler duty with Sexual Chocolate. Storm had some good energy although I get the feeling that "techno-music Lance" is going to be a gimmick we all laugh about in 2 years. Pretty much a nothing match as Henry dumped Stormy from the ring and Fishman Shawn Michaels slid in. He hit Mizark with the sweet chin music and the bell rang for the disqualification. HBK dances around the ring. As he prances by, Lance Storm looks up at him and smiles. Despite being tossed to the floor and still laying in a prone position, he appears to be in no pain. Hey, wait a minute! Is this stuff fake?

Still to come, name every woman in the current rotation of the women's division except Molly and they're in a fatal four way for a title shot. Also, Shane McMahon takes on a mystery opponent. The announcers are really pushing that it might be Kane. I'm hoping it's Viscera.

Commercial Break. Uncle Jesse from Full House has a bunch of numbers he'd like me to dial when calling collect. Sorry, pal. This is Raw. It's Carrotop country.

Steve Austin's promo appearances are hyped. He'll be on the Today Show Thursday. That's why I did that skit earlier when he was introduced. I guess I should have mentioned this before that. God, I'm so stupid!

Big John is backstage when he's approached by a little boy in a Halloween costume. No. Wait, that's the Hurricane. Seems that tonight is John Heindenreich's try-out match with WWE. He'll be teaming with Helms. As they talk, Roosevelt S.H.I.T. comes in and he's looking to take a photo for his paper. Sure thing. It's just a shame that Little Johnny couldn't be here. Hurricane asks if that is John's son. Oh no, crime fighter. Little John is actually…whisper, whisper. John tells his secret as Hurricane reacts with shock and Rosey snaps the shot. As Big John walks off, Helms says that the big man is "off his rocker." God knows where this one is going but it looks scary.

Lita's put her shirt on and has caught up to Christian, himself wearing a rather womanly shirt. What's up, Tian? You saved Lita last week? Why? Christian answers this question by opening Leet's book. He points to a picture of her holding hands with the CLB. You opened the can of worms, Fallen Angel Girl. You told the world about your history. You two had a great friendship. Lita reminds him that it was a long time ago and he might be taking things the wrong way. She seems flustered as she excuses herself for a match. (JG Note: Hey, if Matt gets to have Shannon Moore, Lita might as well get a guy for herself.)

Shane McMahon is bouncing around backstage when the Coach confronts him. Playing the arrogance gimmick better than he did a few weeks ago, Coachman asks if Little Mac has given any thought to his mystery opponent tonight. Maybe it's Kane. Shane-o looks into his eyes and says "I hope it's Kane…Coach." Shane-o Mac goes head to head with someone that everyone thinks is Kane but won't be! Tonight!

Commercial Break. Remember Shrinky Dinks? They’re back…in Pog form.

(3) John Heindenreich & Hurricane Helms defeated La Resistance when John pinned Rob Conway Heindenreich looks like Ronnie Garvin's mutated giant brother. The one thing I kept thinking in this one was that Rob Conway has the potential to be a breakout star. This is no slight on Sylvan Grenier, as I have no real opinion on him either way, he was just sort of there, but since Conway joined the team it has a whole new feel. The fact that both Renee and Grenier were playing the same flamboyant gimmick really dragged the team down. Rob has done well in playing the edgy one. Helms took a beating in this and really impressed me. I'm not normally into Hurricane, but he really bumped and hit some nice shots. At one point, Dupree came in and did his prancing dance. Jerry Lawler described it as "sorta gay." Jim Ross covers by saying it's "kinda happy." OK, Jim, we can define it like that in this match. The crime fighter takes a pounding until he makes the hot tag to Big John. As Heindenreich enters the fray, he batters the French supporters. Crowd is pretty dead. It doesn't matter. Jim Ross is just so gay to see La Resistance get their just desserts. He cheers as John lifts Conway in the air and slams him down with a Bookend. The good guys win and J.R. is so gay he could burst.

Commercial Break. Is Matt from the Joe Schmo Show doing an Edith Bunker impression in the commercial when he says "What is going awwn?"

Shane, why do you do that funny dance when you're introduced?

My father said I should.

Now Shane, if your father told you to jump off of a building, would you? Oh, wait. Never mind.

Shane-o Mac is in the ring and he awaits his opponent.

Inside Test's Mind: If only I hit on her when we did that angle, all this could be mine. I would be on my honeymoon instead of having to fight stupid Shane who broke my stupid foot at a stupid house show. Damnit. Hmmm…This haircut wasn't so bad. Which side do I limp on again? Damnit. Stupid foot. Stupid house show.

Test limps to the ring alongside Stacy Kiebler. Hey Shane-o, you wondering why crippled Test is out here? Well, you put him in this position at that stupid house show. Andrew is in no condition to fight you. Test is here to intro the man who will be fighting you. That man is...Test! He swings with the crutch but Krypton Boy ducks and goes on the attack. Ding. Ding. Ding.

(4) Shane McMahon pinned Test after the Van Terminator Coast to Coast Test got punked out. Hardcore. Most of the match was offense by Mean Street Shane while the foot selling Testicle continuously motioned to the ramp for Kane. As he attempted to retreat with Kiebler in toe, his disgruntled valet nailed him below the belt and Magical McMahon again took control. During the brief moments that Testy gained momentum, he obsessed over calling the Big Red Machine to the ring, losing focus and opening up for some pretty amazing comebacks by the heralded underdog. Things get Extreme and the hardcore weapons make an appearance. With the ring cluttered, Test attempts to hit his foe with a crutch. Nothing doing, big guy. Kiebs comes in from behind and snatches it from him. Andrew shoves her and Shane again takes him down. He pummels the Canadian, who begs for mercy, and sets him up for the Coast to Coast (JG Note: Which is better than the alternate name choice - "I Stole This Move From RVD") But as he prepares to ascend, the pyro of the unburnt monster hits and Little Mac gets distracted. Test takes him down, but again can't finish the job. The set up comes when Mr T attempts to pump handle Shane on a trash can but is reversed into a nice DDT. Mac follows it up with a chair shot and a successful "Coast to Coast." No one's foot breaks and all is well as Shane-o covers Test for the pin. Test, thanks for doing the match for Shane.

Sweating like the Dixie Chicks at the VFW, Shane McMahon takes the microphone and calls out Kane. Where are you at, Monster? You gutless? You afraid of crazy ol' Shane-o Mac? You frightened because of the limo? You know what? You should be. The Invincible Force makes more attempts to get the Big Red Machine to show his face, but alas the unmasked Superstar is a no-show. That gives McMahon an idea. He knows how to get you out here.

Shane again pummels Test. This time he puts Andrew's foot on the ring steps and slams it with a chair. Test rolls around in agony as he slips down the ladder just a little more. Seeming to know that Kane has a deep love for Andrew and his Testicles, McMahon's gamble pays off. The beating brings out the Monster.

Kane stands up the ramp and stares down his undersized protagonist. He refuses to go to the ring and Shane knows why. The Big Red Machine has fear. He fears that Shane McMahon is the only one who is as crazy as him. Come Survivor Series, it's on. In fact, let's make it interesting. The match at the Series will be an ambulance match. One of you is going to the hospital. Kane likes this idea and lowers his hands to make the pyro shoot as a gesture of his acceptance. Eh. Pretty uninspiring segment. I feel like Shane McMahon is the main character on an episode of Fantasy Island and his dream is to be a wrestler. He doesn't look like a wrestler, he's not overly amazing on the microphone and he's not the same size as the men he destroys. It just looks out of place. Look boss, the plane! The plane! Play a commercial.

Commercial Break. Big Shaq rules the paint. Big Shaq rules the paint. Hi-ho the cherry-o, Big Shaq rules the paint.

Tonight - Rob Van Dam meets Chris Jericho with the Intercontinental Title on the line.

(5) Lita defeated Victoria, Trish Stratus & Gail Kim when she pinned Victoria after a DDT It really amazes me how Victoria is the only woman with a real tangible gimmick and she's pushed the least. The match started with all four women in separate corners awaiting the bell. They were all just standing there while Vicki was being held back by her pigtail sporting boy toy, Stevie Richards. It makes a big difference when everyone else is so carbon-copy. Lawler asks Ross "Why are girls like parking spaces? All the good ones are taken." (JG Note: And some make you pay a quarter to use them for half an hour.) False finish with Toria hitting the Widow's Peak on Lita and tangling with Gail Kim before turning her attention back to Amy Dumas's less traveled road. When she does, Lita nails her with a DDT and scores the pin, earning a shot at Molly Holly's title come Survivor Series. Mighty Molly watches all this from the ramp.

Make-up girl Jan is making up the Coach. He tells her why he's here. It's to review Steve Austin's autobiography, the Stone Cold Truth. Coachman says it's full of lies. He also claims to have read it cover to cover. This is a great promotion to get children to read. "Look kids! If Jonathan Coachman can read, you definitely can!"

Commercial Break. In the Smackdown - Here Comes the Pain commercial, why does Torrie Wilson challenge Brock Lesnar to a bra and panties match? That's a disturbing image.

Video package honoring Road Warrior Hawk Michael Hegstrand.

The Coach comes out and once again I know I'll be humming his damn theme song for the next day or so. It's just a small thing that makes me dislike seeing him even more. He has his own podium featuring a sign reading "The Coach's Book Review." Kango Coach disputes the very name of this story - The Stone Cold Truth! Ha! Steve claims that Bischoff fired him from WCW over the phone. Stop fibbing, Rattlesnake. You know damn well that Easy tried to call you dozens of times. (JG Note: Uh, isn't that the phone?) He even drove to your house, but you weren't home! You left Bisch no choice but to bounce your black trunk wearing butt from Atlanta. The review morphs into an anti-Stone Cold tirade about the Survivor Series. Until the familiar sound of Steve Austin clearing his throat interrupts. Glad to see you, Stunner. Coachman has some ish to argue about with you. If it wasn't for you, he's still be announcing Raw instead of Jim Ross. Steve offers the Coach a chance to punch him. Coachman refuses and offers the same thing to Austin. Neither man take the bait. Stone Cold has but one request. The day after his team wins at the Survivor Series and he's allowed to beat people up for no reason again, he wants you ,Coach, to be the man who conducts the first interview. Guess Steve's team is winning that one.

Terri Runnels looks like an elf as she interviews Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade, who tower over her. The Stallions are excited about their match with Evolution tonight. Cade contends that they will prove they can "hang" with the talent here. Jindrak takes exception to that. Enough with the hanging. Let's start winning. They argue over whether one is accusing the other of not wanting success when their troubles are solved by their Lord and Savior, Fishman Shawn Michaels. HBK applauds their fire and gives them a good old fashioned Klique Pep Talk explaining how in this business you can "make friends or you can make money." They like money, so they smile and walk away. Think this segment's over? It ain't over. Beliedat.

Peanut Head Teddy Long and Super Malcolm Jamal Warner, Mark Henry, enter the picture. Theodore berates the "Heartbreak Cracker" and reminds him of his beating by Henry. You know what, Shawn? How about next week you go one on one with the World's Strongest Man? The Boy Toy agrees. Holla. Think this segment's over? It's ain't over. New…New…New World Order.

It's Eric Bischoff and he's got some rent-a-cops by his side. Further cementing Shawn's role as a martyr, he's unjustly persecuted. Remember last week when Marky Mark Henry was tossed from the arena for attacking Bill Goldberg? It's only fair that you face the same penalty. Now, take a hike, Rocker. The Heartbreak Kid turns the other cheek and leaves of his own accord. On the way out, he bumps into Eric. Accidentally, of course.

Commercial Break. "What is going awwwwwn?"

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler thank us all for making Raw the most watched program on cable. You're welcome, Jim. Thanks for using lines like "He's in a crack" and "Booker T just exploded all over Rico's face" which are funny for so many reasons.

Hey Mark, Garrison, your new t-shirts are ready to go on sale. They're red. The front says "CADE AND JINDRAK." The back says "THEY WRESTLE ON RAW." I know, it's sort of plain. We couldn't think of anything else to say about you.

The Cadedraks hit the ring and prepare for the Evolutionary opponents.

Hey Randy, Ric, look I stole this Wok from Hunter's wedding gifts yesterday.

What the hell's wrong with you? Why did you do that?

Dude, screw that. He owes me a hundred grand. I'm taking whatever I can until it's paid off. I also stole that leather/denim jacket he has. I'm getting my bounty money, son. Work, shoot, whatever. That guy friggin owes me.

(6) Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade defeated Ric Flair & Randy Orton when Jindrak pinned Flair For some reason Ric Flair felt the need to wear red trunks. He looked like the third member of Jindrak and Cade's crew. It seemed like everyone except for Randy Orton decided to be Lance Storm for tonight's Halloween Raw. While speaking about he attributes of Randy Orton, Jim Ross asked the King for something good about the young hoss. He then quipped "He's ain't got puppies, so you have nothing to say about him?" Touché', J.R. Touché'. I guess J.R. sees it too. Maven came down to even the odds against big crazy Dave Batista. Nothing special, but not a bad match as a whole. The ending was pretty weak as Slick Ric had Jindrak rolled up in a pin, but Maven ran in and attempted a clothesline on Flair. The only problem is that Mave completely missed him and Ric had to just sort of roll back into the reversal. Really bad spot.

Following the bell, the Evolution trio put the boots to the Cadedraks and Tough Enough winner. Batista took turns power bombing each man. Batista mad! Arghhh!

Commercial Break. With all the craziness of people bring nuisance suits against major companies, how long before Twix has to put a disclaimer on their commercial that reads: Caution. Putting peanut butter in your CD player will not make Twix bars appear.

(7) Chris Jericho defeated Champion Rob Van Dam via submission to win the Intercontinental Title Now remember, we discussed this. If you all say anything bad about this one, Y2J is liable to break his laptop, you hear? OK, now for the good news. There's wasn't too much bad you could say about this match. Jericho and Van Dam work pretty well together and show just how little depth the Raw roster truly has. Either one of these guys on Smackdown would have a whole host of opponents for great matches. On Raw, they have each other and maybe a few others. The outcome is that in order to have truly solid matches on this show, they need to rehash a lot of old pairings. As I said, this one was pretty good as part of the big picture. It set up the real main event. Real main event? Yeah. You see, Chris Jericho locked Rob Van Dam in the Walls of Jericho and just as the Champ was near the ropes, Eric Bischoff rushed out and distracted the referee. By the time Easy E leaves, Jericho has pulled his opponent from safety and back to center ring. Mr. Monday Night gives us the tap and this one's history. New champion.

Well FOck Fear! It's Steve Austin and he's not letting this one go without a fight. He can't reverse the decision, but he can order a rematch…right now! Jericho-Van Dam for the title inside of that ominous steel cage. May Shawn Michaels have mercy on your souls.

Commercial Break. Tobacco is whacko if you're a teen. But if you're a teen who's whacko, this sounds like the product for you, huh?

(8) Rob Van Dam defeated Champion Chris Jericho in a Steel Cage match to regain the Intercontinental Title Victory is by pinfall, submission or cage escape. Good switch up on this match. I'm not a big fan of the quick title switch but I was glad to see them offer a solid gimmick match in the impromptu style they did. Both guys made good use of the cage with lots of bumps from the top rope and the upper portion of the steel structure. At one point, Y2J took RVD by the head and slammed him from the top with a face buster. Following that, CJ nearly escapes but is pulled back in by Rob. With the King of Bling Bling reeling, (JG Note: How cool is this?) Robby V attempts to climb over the top while Jericho struggles for the door. On his way down, RVD kicks the door shut on the newly crowned IC champ and drops to the floor. Rob Van Dam has recaptured the title. Chris Jericho's title reign was exactly ten minutes.

The bell rings but that means the fun is only starting. Scott Steiner and Christian bum rush the new Champ. They beat him from ringside to the ring until the save is made by….the Dudley Boys! Ahh! It's the Dudley Boys! They jump the heels and clean house until Mark Henry joins the fray. It's a pier six brawl! They fight until Booker T runs up the ramp, climbs the cage and leaps from atop onto Y2J and Henry. It's not enough as Team Bischoff takes control and savagely destroys their enemies while a bloody Chris Jericho climbs to the top of the cage and smiles as we fade to black.

All in all… Above average show for Raw. It wasn't the best they've ever done, but it accomplished what it should have. It sold the pay-per-view, advanced storylines, and gave some fairly good matches.

Big drawback was the Shane McMahon segment. Forget family ties or anything else, Shane just doesn't look right playing the role of crazy superhero. Watching him pummel Test and claim to be the man who will take down Kane was like watching a guy at fantasy camp. He seemed so out of place. It just didn't look right and sometimes that's all that matters.

They did a nice job of transitioning Batista out of the way to make room for Hunter-Goldberg 2. His segment with Stone Cold was done really well and everyone came out of it looking credible.

The Jericho-Van Dam matches were a solid way to end the show. It helped push the Survivor Series elimination match while offering some solid contests that helped elevate the Intercontinental Title as well. Jericho is the king of strange title reigns. There was the brief win over Triple H for the World Title that was "erased." He shared the IC strap with Chyna. Tonight he gets it for ten minutes. Weird.

There was a good amount of downtime, but nothing you could point to and say was particularly bad. This week wasn't as good as last week, but better than many others. Altogether, the show had good momentum from last week and could have done a lot more. That being said, what it did offer was fairly enjoyable and had no glairing problems that warranted a lynch mob.

That's that for another Raw. Catch you all on Halloween. It'll be a spooky time but don't be afraid of the monsters. Shane McMahon will protect you. Be well!