JG's Columns
JG's Retro Column: Everyone Has Had a Friend Like Vince McMahon
By James Guttman
Oct 21, 2006, 20:12

Originally Published: October 26, 2005

They say that there's something special in everyone. There's a certain spark in each of us that makes us appealing to someone else. Your friends, colleagues, or acquaintances might see this inside you. You might see it in someone else. For many people and things, those sparks are obvious. Perhaps a person has a great sense of humor or a kind heart. It could be something as simple as a shared memory or bonding moment. For some, positive traits are easy to see.

However, not all people are like that. We've all had a friend at some point in our lives that was great to be around one-on-one, but became a complete ass in front of people. He may have said inappropriate things. He might have made people uncomfortable. He could have just been weird. Whatever his issue, the bottom line is that his positive characteristics weren't so blatant to others.

It can be frustrating. Here's you buddy, someone you've come to respect through the years, carrying on like first class schmuck in a crowded setting. Quickly all eyes turn to you as if to ask, "What's wrong with you that you have to hang out with this weirdo?" It takes all the effort in the world not to grab your “friend” by his goofy shoulders and scream, "Be normal! You crazy son-of-a-bitch! Be normal! I'm begging you! Be normal!"

Luckily, you have restraint. So you don't do that. You put up with the strange glances. You explain your friendship to outsiders by shrugging your shoulders and saying, "He's alright, I guess." You make it through. You grin and bare it.

…for a little while.

Eventually the day comes where enough is enough. While it’s one thing that your peculiar pal is confident enough in himself to be open with his weirdness around new people, he fails to realize that his actions affect you. The awkward position that you find yourself in every time you are in a group setting becomes too much to handle. The final straw is usually something small. There’s no warning. There’s no big discussion. One day, you just get fed up and stop calling. That's how it works.

You've probably had a friend like this. Hell, you've probably been a friend like this. Most of us have played both roles at some point or another. Either way, it all works. Everyone has their quirks. Some just have more than others.

So what the hell does this have to do with wrestling?

Well, wrestling has that spark inside. It has that something special that all of us, as fans, can't escape. It could be your love of scientific grappling. It could be a fond memory of a classic match or promo. Maybe you were there for one of the nights that Ric Flair tore the house down in the '80s. Perhaps Bret Hart put his sunglasses on you when you were nine years old and seated at ringside. Whatever it is, it's there. It's why you still watch.

People may not understand your love of the business, but that's their loss. They're just being judgmental. They have no basis for their contempt other than a snobby, holier-than-thou view of what good entertainment should be.

Well, that's not entirely true. They have Vince McMahon. You know Vince, don't you? He's the guy who was responsible for so many of those great memories and moments that you hold dear and built your love for wrestling on. If not fully responsible, he definitely had a hand in shaping many of your sports entertainment memories. You can’t deny that.

However, Mr. McMahon is also that goofy friend in a public setting. He's an embarrassment to be associated with, a nutcase you need to explain to your friends, and a loose cannon that reinforces every negative stereotype that this industry has had since the dawn of television. He cares nothing about how he's viewed and relishes on the negative attention that he thinks he attracts. Vinnie Mac doesn't give a damn what the world thinks of him. He’s his own man. He’ll put on whatever ridiculous, childish, unfunny, TV shows he sees fit.

Now look, Mr. M., I’m down with self-love. I’m glad that you have big ol’ grapefruits and tons of money. That’s awesome. The problem is that as you jam a plunger onto “JR’s Ass,“ you forget that you’re not just representing yourself out there.

You’re representing WWE.

You’re representing wrestling.

You’re representing us.

You know when fans are most proud to be fans? It’s when they’ve watched a wrestling show and then said, “Wow. I gotta show this tape to (insert name here). He doesn’t like wrestling, but he’d love it.”

I wasn’t feeling that last night. If anything, I was glad that Mr. (Insert Name) wasn’t watching at all. In fact, I hoped that none of my non-fan friends saw that God-awful thing you did last night. It wasn’t what I watch this business for. To be completely honest, I’m not even sure what the hell it was at all. At least the Katie Vick thing was being done to help sell a World Title Match. This was done to sell Jim Ross’s bowel surgery. Oww. My head hurts.

So there you go, Mr. Chairman. Be the weird friend. Wave your arms in the air. Make a spectacle. The day’s going to come when we stop calling you. There won’t be much warning and, in the end, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.