JG's Retro Raw Insanity
JG's 8/11/03 Raw Insanity: Eric Bischoff Defeats Kane, J.R. Disses Coachman, Michaels and Goldberg Foil Evolution
By James Guttman
Feb 17, 2007, 20:34

In 1997, World Championship Wrestling's capo di tutti capi, Eric Bischoff, rested his head for a long evening of slumber. However during his sleep, Eric's life would take a drastic turn. He would be visited by three ghosts.

With the big Spike Lee TV celebration underway, there's sure to be plenty on the agenda for the Monday night festivities. Now that Christian is once again Intercontinental Champion due to a surprise house show victory over Booker T, who will rise to the occasion and challenge him for the Peep's gold? Will Hurricane and Rosy continue their reign of "S.H.I.T.?" Are Rob Van Dam's chances against his former partner Kane destined to go up in smoke? As Eric Bischoff prepares to fight Vince's kid at Summerslam, can Steve Austin rattlesnake his way into absolute power on Raw? With the stunning announcement of the Elimination Chamber's return, will the six men vying for the World Title push forward in their attempts to pry the championship from Triple H's frizzy, groin-pulling hands? What will be the final verdict when Chris Jericho and Kevin Nash put their respective glam-rock hair-dos on the line against one another? How much longer until Goldberg is doing radio interviews talking about how he didn't like working for WWE? Am I the only one that thinks XPW owner Rob Black should enter the California recall election? Anyway, buckle your seat belts. We're about to get nice and Raw…

Raw Theme Plays. Getting your face on Raw today, takes everything you got… Moving up the card is just a pipe dream cause Hunter's got that spot… Who needs fresh stories anyway? Sometimes you wanna go where all the angles are the same. And they slowly destroy Kane. You wanna go where "creative blows" and the writers hate RVD. You wanna watch the chan-nel based on Spike Lee.

Welcome everyone to Illinois! It's Johnny the Coach and Jerry the King here with a great show! Tonight it will be Goldberg taking on Ric Flair! Oh wait, I must be watching the tape of last week's show. Oh, it's an anything goes match. Never mind, it's just a rematch. Goldie and Oldie hook it up one more time and according to the graphic - this one must have a winner! We also take a look at the flamboyant Spike TV logo, the first network for men. You know, besides Playboy and Cinemax after midnight.

I'm ba-ack…and hate Jamie Kellner…

Brown boots, black shirt, it can only mean one thing - Eric Bischoff. Easy E rolls up the ramp sporting his new Von Dutch Leather Jacket which replaces the old leather thing that was too tight on him. Uncle Eric is psyched! Last week he beat down the son-of-a-son Shane McMahon. As a bonus for everyone who didn't hear it last week, Bischoff instructs Lillian Garcia to shout it out. Let's hear the announcement again.

"Here is your winner, Eric Bischoff!

It's pretty cool that she can just do that whenever she wants to. I told my girlfriend that if I knew Lillian or Howard Finkle personally, every time I saw them I'd make them announce me as a winner. Do you think the Fink does it when he's by himself? Like he looks in the bathroom mirror in the morning and says, "Here is your winner, Howard Finkle!" I know I would. Anyway, I digress. Eric cues us to the Titan Tron so we can see his victory from last week.

Recap of Kane beating Shane McMahon within an inch of his life before Bischoff rolls on top of him, crushing him.

Bischoff wants to make something clear. He has the utmost respect for Vince McMahon. He goes on to admit that he also looks up to that "big breasted and mature woman" Linda. He really said that. I'm officially skeeved. He even has a little respect for Stephanie McMahon. (JG Note: The crowd boos. Seriously.) But Bischoff has zero respect for Shane McMahon. Let's face facts, Shane-o is a product of his last name. He wouldn't be worth a cent if he wasn't a McKid. His daddy's fame has taken him to the top. Shane McMahon isn't a success story like Sleazy E. Eric clawed his way to the top while the Mean Street Posse Member simply climbed up his family tree. He calls him "Frank Sinatra Junior." My girlfriend says that Frank Sinatra Jr is going to kill Bischoff now. Get him, Frank.

"Hi, you've reached Jonathan Coachman. I can't get to the phone right now because I'm hosting Raw. You can leave a message or call me next Monday, I should be able to talk then."

The Boomer Sooner music hits and you know what that means! Jim Ross is back and he's still got a burnt back. But there's some things that need to be straightened out. Good Ol' J.R. calls Bischoff on the carpet. He knows that Eric set him up to get scorched by that Big Red, by God, Monster. Now, Kane means a lot to this company so Jim has decided not to press charges. (JG Note: Huh?) So instead, he's gonna sue you, Eric! (JG Note: Double huh? Isn't Bischoff an employee of WWE? Haven't we established that Easy E answers to Vince? Isn't Ross going to be indirectly suing WWE, the same company he won't sue Kane to protect? Huh? Huh? Huh?) Eric backpedals and tries to kiss Jim Ross's barbequed butt by telling the Coach to get out of the broadcast booth. He runs down Coachman viciously and exclaims the he needs to relinquish his chair to the "greatest announcer in history." Tony Shiavone?

What? What? What? What? What? What?

Yeah, he gets stuck sometimes. Don't worry, he'll tire himself out soon.

Steve Austin says "FOck Fear" and Drink Beer. He welcomes Jimmy Ross back to work and has the crowd back him up with a "Hell Yeah." Stunning Steve has a solution to all this. Maybe Eric and JR can work all this out. Steve-o has a contract in hand he's got a plan. Before he can explain, Bischoff pipes in. He knows the deal. You want him to fight Shane McMahon. No dice, Ringmaster. The Bisch done beat his ass one time and that's all he has to say about that. That doesn't sit well with the charcoaled butt of Jim Ross who informs Eric that he should call his lawyer. After quick deliberation, Schoff decides that Shane is probably pretty beaten up and agrees to the match tonight. He puts his Jack Daniels John Hancock on the contract and agrees. There, Stone Cold, you got him. Bring Shane down here right now.

"What the hell are you talking about? Shane's in no condition to wrestle tonight. You saw what happened last week. Eric, you signed a contract to compete tonight and read my lips, you didn't sign a contract to wrestle Shane McMahon. You didn't read the fine print, did ya? You dumb, dumb, dumb, stupid son-of-a-bitch. What you did do was sign a contract to compete tonight, right here in this very ring, on Monday Night Raw, face to face, man to man, tooth and nail, mano e' mano, with Kane!"

- Steve Austin, 9:14pm

Eric slithers from the ring, sullen and downhearted as Austin and Ross fock fear and drink beer.

Commercial Break. Triple H is doing commercial for the Stacker 2 YJ Stingers. It's a new Stacker. I think you have to inject it.

Things Scott Steiner can not do because his arms are so insanely huge:

1) Use those blood pressure testing machines by the pharmacy department

2) Wear one of those arm cuffs that goth girls wear.

3) Reach up into a candy vending machine to get a Snickers that didn't fall properly after he put money in.

Scizzy is in the hizzy and he's got Stacy Kiebler by his side. Lil announces 'em as a team which means we have a mixed tag coming up.

OK, this is a delicate recipe, we have to get it right for this Rico character to work. Add a cup of Sensational Sherri. Stir in two teaspoons of Adrian Adonis. Pour half a cup of Rick Martel, then three cups of Adrian Street. Now just a pinch of Jim Powers. Oh no! I said a pinch! You added too much! Great, now he's a jobber. Look what you did!

(1) Rico & Miss Jackie defeated Scott Steiner & Stacy Kiebler when Jackie pinned Stacy They haven't done nearly enough for Rico and Jackie Gayda. A gimmick like theirs requires a strong amount of attention of else it just flounders. The basic idea is that they are supposed to be too flamboyant to go ignored. When you ignore them, it seems like a failure. Best part of this match was when Jackie ran in and confronted Steiner who turned and asked, "You wanna suck my d**k or what?" Honestly, he said that and the camera caught it. Go rewind it, I can wait. You back? OK. Stacy tags in and her and Gayda roll through some near falls like Steamboat and Savage with implants. Stacy's stalker, Test, is back and he's attacking Big Poppa Pump. As the Testicle takes the mutation from the ring, Miss Gayda flattens Kiebler's face with a Hulk Hogan Legdrop and scores the pin.

Scotty returns to the ring and tells Test he's with Stacy because she wants a genetic freak - a real man. (JG Note: A genetic freak isn't a real man. Isn't that the basic definition of a genetic freak?) You can't get your woman, but you can get the All-American from Michigan right here tonight! Test agrees to the match, but as seems to be the new thing in WWE, he adds on the phrase "…but not tonight." They'll do this next week and if Scott goes down to Andrew Testicle, then Stacy comes back to her Canadian Kid Kash. Before Rick Steiner's brother can answers, Kiebler accepts on his behalf. Oh, Stacy's on the line again. Doesn't Test want to wrestle for a title or something? We see where this one's going, right?

Ric Flair is backstage and he's still hoppin' mad over Steve Austin's matchmaking tonight. He preaches to young Randy Orton over the injustice with his no-disqualification match with Goldberg. I mean, Jesus H. McMahon, Austin has said that if either Randy or Triple H gets involved then they're suspended for 30 days. Whatupwidat? Just as the Nature Boy is about to pop an artery, Hunter steps in to chill him out. Hunter's mad, too. I mean, after last week's Elimination Chamber announcement turned Hunter's contest into a six-way Title Match…wait up, Helmsley. Randy assures him that this is not every man for himself at Summerslam. It'll be Orton watching your Gamy back en route to another win. Trips loves it and says that tonight Evolution starts screwin' everybody else. (JG Note: La Resistance and Rico knock on the door and ask where they can sign up.) Everyone's happy as we journey to the magical world of commercials.

Commercial Break. Shawn Michaels is coming out of the vault on DVD.

If the police van's a-rocking, don't come-a-knockin. Kane is growing impatient in the paddy wagon. Fee, fi, fo, fum, he smells the blood of a bloated man.

The Dudleys at Denny's:

Bubba Ray: D-Von! Pass the ketchup!

D-Von: Dude, do you have to do that every time we stop to eat?

Recap of Bubba Ray splitting Renee Dupree's skull open with the stars and stripes. Glory, glory, hallelujah.

Kyle: Bingo. Okay, here we go... (Typing) Want to help Terrance and Phillip? Meet us for a meeting at Gladdy's barn tomorrow night...

Cartman: Tell 'em we'll have punch and pie.

Kyle: We're not gonna have punch and pie!

Cartman: More people will come if they think there'll be punch and pie!

Kyle: (Typing) Punch and pie. This is Top Secret. The password is...

Stan: (Dramatically) La Resistance.

(2) The Dudley Boys defeated La Resistance via disqualification This one lasted all of about forty seconds before the Frenchman caught an intentional do off of a US flag smack to the head of D-Von. La Resistance was ten times more serious than any other outing. They had new trunks and disposed of their sequins and berets immediately following their entrance.

Following the bell, Renee and Sylvan drank champagne and broke the flag pole holding Old Glory. Coach said that it could be champagne, Lawler said it might be French wine. Wine connoisseurs (JG Note: Uncle T, you catch this?) can go buck on that one. The evil duo lay the United States flag over the battered brothers and drink. This one got more heat for the tag champs in five minutes than anything they've done for the last two months. Wee, wee. Speaking of which, if you have to go wee-wee, best do it now. It's a commercial

Commercial Break. I mentioned it in Saturday Notebook and I'll mention it again. There's how many people employed with World Wrestling Entertainment? How much money is sunk into advertising? How many people are paid to review things before they go on TV? You mean to tell me that no one in WWE thought that the slogan "the Elimination Chamber, where careers go to die" could be looked at as a tongue-in-cheek sarcastic comment?

Go download Metallica's new album, St. Anger.

Hey look, it's Joe Wieder! Oh, no it's not. It's Molly Holly. She's just kickin' it, generic style when the man with the golden stutter, Goldust enters the scene. He babbles his way through a congratulations on her title win before introducing someone who is anything but boring. Enter Lance Storm, complete in Goldust face paint and blonde wig. Storm is reading from a script and does the classic Goldust teeth chomp. He then attempts to congratulate Mad Molly on her win, but stutters on "ascension" and says "great big ass…ass…ass…ass" She slaps him. Storm wonders aloud if this is such a good idea. Let me answer you, Book mark. No, it's not. Goldy has phase two all lined up though. He says he has hotdogs and sausages waiting in the car for him. Sounds like Barry O's story on Donahue.

The Dudes with Attitude, Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash, are shootin' the Rosy backstage regarding Diesel's hair match with Chris Jericho. Relax Shawn. Kev's hair isn't going anywhere. In fact, the big story is the Elimination Chamber where Big Daddy Cool will win the World Title. Shawn disagrees and slaps his hand on Nash's inner thigh. (JG Note: Maybe it's just me. I don't think a guy should slap another guy on the inner thigh like that. If I had a friend that just haphazardly put his hand on the inside of my leg, I'd probably stop hanging out with him. A bit too close to Little Daddy Cool, if you know what I mean.) They argue the point until Goldberg interrupts. Look guys, thank's for your Cliquey help but come the Chamber, Billy G's going to take that title. There's some heated words as between Goldenbergler and the Heartbreak Kid before Shawn and company take their leave. It's on like Teflon.

Can you dig it…Peeps?

Fresh from a house show Intercontinental Title win over Booker T, Christian steps out.  Who's his opponent? Wouldn't you rather watch some Castrol commercials first? Of course you would.

Commercial Break. I find that if I dial down the center on someone else's phone, it's free for the person I'm calling and free for me.

Christian has the mic and he's prepared to face someone befitting the challenge of Spike TV. Spike Lee? Nope.

(3) Intercontinental Champion Christian pinned Spike Dudley after the Unprettier OK, so they admit that Spike Dudley shares the name of the station. With all the hoopala surrounding the Spike Lee lawsuit, they couldn't get more mileage out of that coincidence? Maybe it's the fact that the runt of the Dudley litter gets left off of Raw usually, but he was on tonight. I really dug this match and considering the low standing of Spike on the roster, he did a tremendous job of convincing the crowd that he had a shot at an upset. In a title match, that's the ultimate goal of the challenger. He gave a great performance in that respect and the crowd reaction grew to some pretty high levels in this. Christian had his working shoes on, too. All in all, this was the best match tonight. It was a near-fall for Dudley followed by a reversed Dudley Dog that found Sister Christian hitting the Impaler Unprettier for the win. Good match.

Kane steps from the back of the police van, shackled like Nailz. He's approached by Eric Bischoff. Easy E has the heel solution for the night. Tell you what, Kane-o. Since you can't theoretically beat up Eric without being considered a baby face, why not just let Bischoff lay down so you can pin him. It works for Bisch. No dice, Greasy. Bald Bull is gonna mess you up good. It's not going to be your way tonight. It's Kane's way or the Long Island Expressway. Bischoff pees himself as the Big Red Machine shuffles away. Ay Carumba, Kane!

Commercial Break. Tobacco is whacko if you're a teen. All you fourth graders out there can feel free to light 'em up.

Jim Ross heads to the Nitro position where he's met with handshakes from both the Coach and the King. Johnny C doesn't realize that Ross is here to reclaim his seat. Lawler taunts him and asks him if he can take a hint as JR stares coldly. Visibly annoyed by the diss, Coachman removes his headset and hands it over to Jim Ross. Damn, Coach. Why do you even go to work?

Eric Bischoff strolls to the ring as Jerry Lawler points out that Jim Ross isn't medically cleared to announce here tonight. You have to get medical clearance to sit at a table and talk about wrestling?

All rise! Manhattan Municipal Night Court now in session. The honorable Judge Harry T. Stone presiding.

(4) Eric Bischoff defeated Kane via intentional count out Match starts with the fearful Bischoff laying down on the mat. His unburnt adversary, Bull, picks him up by the throat and prepares to choke slam him. However, he changes his mind and places him gingerly back on the mat. He then leaves for ten seconds, earning a count out.

The Big Red Machine returns to the ring and takes the microphone. Oh, Kane's sorry. Did he let you all down? You wanted to see him destroy Eric Bischoff? Well he listened to the fans for years and it got him nothing! (JG Note: How can you say that, Kane? You went to dental school. I wouldn't call that nothing.) He will do what he wants from now on! You know, like wear a colored contact that makes one eye look deformed. Things like that.

As Bischoff runs from the ring, Rob Van Dam returns from the back where he had just gotten finished stretching. He attacks his former partner and takes him down with kicks. However, after missing with a flying something to the outside, he finds himself face first into the barricade. The Monster retrieves a chair but ends up on the receiving end of it's ire thanks to some RVD defense. But when the Whole Dam (five minutes of the) Show attempts a Frog Splash, the Kanetaker sits up, sending Rob belly first into the metal. Dr. Yankum grabs the folding chair and slams it across Robby V's head with a sickening thud. He must be pissed over all the merchandising money he's losing from not selling those masks.

Trish Stratus is on her way out here and she's got a funny hat.

Commercial Break. Brock Lesnar is coming to Nassau Coliseum. Brock should come out to the clubs with us while he's here. If I walked into a club with Brock Lesnar as my back-up, I would immediately start punching people and then urinate on the bar.

Terri Runnels is interviewing Gail Kim. This doesn't make Gail Kim happy. You see, why does Terri want to talk to her now? Why does anyone care about her now? Because she attacked Trish Stratus, that's why! Where was everyone when she won the women's title? Now that she has our attention, she's going to show WWE who Gail Kim really is. (JG Note: When she said that, I braced myself for a "Crying Game" type of revelation. I was relieved when it didn't happen.)

(5) Women's Champion Molly Holly defeated Gail Kim and Trish Stratus in a Triple Threat Match Not a bad women's match. Once again WWE found a way to turn a mangled push into a selling point. Much like Lance Storm being intentionally boring, Miss Kim is intentionally being ignored. Trish Status did the Matrix back bridge which always impresses me. I think that Trish just impresses me as a whole. She's really gone out of her way to increase her repertoire and deliver a good match. That's something I respect. She could have just rested on her "diva" status, but she puts in the effort to give fans something to see in the ring as well. Good stuff, Stratus. Gail Kim, on the other hand, misses a new move every week. This time I thought she was going to kill herself when she undershot a top rope jump. The audience let her know that she, uh, (messed) up. The finale was great with Trish in the Tree of Woe, Molly directed Kimberly Gail to run in with a baseball slide. As she did, Holly clotheslined her and scored the win. Nice ending. I wish Molly did the Betty Rubble thing again. Next week she should dress like Wilma.

Ric Flair is still flipping out on Randy Orton. He can't get over this Goldberg match he has tonight. Calm down, Ric. Triple H is here with your solution. Much like Steve Austin can add to the Summerslam match, making it an Elimination Chamber, so can Eric. He can add to your match tonight. Since he's in such a good mood, you know what? We're gonna have a special guest referee. You know who it will be? Bastion Booger? Uh, no. Ron Reese? Um…no. J.T. Southern? Ok, enough guessing. It's gonna be Randy Orton. Orton takes off his shirt and Trips and Ric slap his chest in frenzied excitement. They all hug. Now they are so happy, they do the dance of joy.

Commercial Break. There's nothing like seeing World Wrestling Entertainment live. There's also nothing like getting slowly mauled and eaten by a pack of wild dogs. Just throwing that out there.

Vignette of the Super Hero In Training helping an old woman across what appears to be a parking lot. He offends her when he spells out his name. You get it? It spells out "shit."

Eric Bischoff is sitting in the leather couch room and he's enjoying a post-win cocktail. Stone Cold joins him and collapses on the adjacent couch. They begin to banter about the Bischoff wins lately and Easy E confides that such greatness is almost a burden. Oh, Eric, you're right. In fact, you can prove it in your next match. Once again, Easy E didn't read the fine print. The winner of the Kane/Eric match would face Shane McMahon down the road. You got Shane at Summerslam, Mat Rat. Deal with it. What? Deal with it.

Still to come: Randy Orton is the guest referee as Goldberg meets Ric Flair. Will that be enough to keep you here until after the commercial? Let's find out.

Commercial Break. Myzel Robinson, age 15, will race anyone. He'll race your mom, your auntie, your cousin, any animal, any vehicle. Yeah, why don't you go race your way down the freeway against oncoming traffic. Thanks.

It's the Babyface Inspiring The Hurricane Culture!

Hurricane Helms flies to the ring and he doesn't have "S.H.I.T." with him. I hate when I go out to do something and I accidentally forget and leave my "S.H.I.T." at home.

To Jazz,

We beat up all the punks

Just like on our honeymoon.

Love,
Rodney

PS: Honey, I had to get you this card. How perfect was this?

(6) Hurricane Helms pinned Rodney Mack after a high cross-body Lawler informs us that due to his fame, Teddy Long is on an extended world cruise but he'll be back next week. O.K., wink, wink. I have no idea what I'm winking about. It just sounded sketchy. Rodney Mack is just on-again, off-again. I can't get a real feel for him. They had him pretty over at one point and it just sort of fizzled from there. Fairly short match with Helms hitting the flying body press for the win. Following the bell, Hurricane was attacked by Mack before being saved by his Rosy partner, Shit. They pose. The reaction is noticeably less than last week. Even the people who liked this gimmick last week have to admit that it’s the type of thing that could get old pretty quick. You know, like Sisqo. Remember? That thong, tha-tha-thong, thong, thong? People liked him once too, right?

We watch a video hyping the Elimination Chamber. If Ultimo Dragon, Shawn O'Haire, and Nathan Jones are any indication of what happens to the subjects of these videos, I'd say the Elimination Chamber shouldn't have a video.

Jim Ross says we have one more time out. Guess what? He's lying. I can tell you that because there's another "time-out" after this one.

Commercial Break. Do you think that Jared from Subway wants to beat up Herman and Sherman?

Break the walls down!

It's time for the Highlight Reel. Chris Jericho wants to make a clarification. The rules of his hair versus hair challenge last week was that if Kevin Nash is to lose, he will shave his head. If Y2J+3 loses, he'll shave his facial hair. Chris then rubs his clean-shaven face to a barrage of boos. Seriously, how could Jericho shave his beautiful locks? This is primo David Lee Roth 1985 stuff here. He poses with his hair and says that it's so pretty he should do shampoo commercials. (JG Note: Yeah, if you were a woman.) He can't lose his hair. He won't lose his hair. He can't be the sexy beast that he is without his long flowing hair.

Honnnnnkkk! Honnnnnnkk!

Kevin Nash slowly makes his way to the ring and decides to be one of the only guests to ever use one of Jericho's seats. He must be tired from walking up the ramp. As he look over Jericho, we break into a session of "Nash Eye for the Straight Guy." Big Kev is going to give you a make-over. He's going to spice you up with a snazzy new 'do! Oh, Precious, you're going to look fab-u-lous! Skittles! Let's go to the Geritol 5000 and see how Chrissy will look after a make-over from Diesel.

We see Chris Jericho with different hairstyles. Bald, he looks just like Austin It was pretty weird. We then pan through a shot of him with a red Mohawk and a Vanilla Ice look.

Chris is not amused. In fact, he's looking more forward to winning the World Title at Summerslam. You don't know what the Elimination Chamber is like, Kevin. Jericho's been there already. He then says, "What do you have to say about that, Nash-hole?" Wow. Kevin responds that he's tired of Chris Jericho and he's tired of his "little ass." (JG Note: Too easy.) He takes out his clippers and lays down the challenge. Fozzy accepts but does the "not tonight" thing that's so popular nowadays and pushes this one to next week.

Things get violent though as the two begin brawling around the ring. With the King of Bling Bling reeling, Kevin shows the crowd his abundance of hair products. Chris escapes by spraying him in the face with a fire extinguisher. Retreat, Chris! Run! He's slowly chasing you!

Commercial Break. Diamond Dallas Page is co-hosting Slamball. That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. Because it means he's not wrestling.

Yeah, so get this: Goldberg's "dressing room" was a broom closet. I swear, the door opens and Billy steps out surrounded by boxes and cleaning equipment. I know what it's like though. Anyone who's every participated in sports knows it's customary to prepare for the game while sitting in a janitor's closet.

(7) Bill Goldberg pinned Ric Flair after a Jackhammer The match began with jawing between Bill and Randy while Ric Flair palmed a pair of knuckle dusters. He laid out Billy with a left hand but the Goldenbergler kicked out of a fast count. After a few more shots, BG Gold began to no-sell Ric's shots and regained control. A slow count by Orton for a BG pin, changed the complexion and showed da Man that the odds were against him. He stalked Randall out of the ring, allowing Slick Ric to come in with a chair shot. Seeing that he's been set-up, Bill attacks both men. Fighting against two opponents, Goldy changes his game plan and Spears Orton. At this point Goldberg is limping and I'm thinking it has to be legit because he doesn't know how to sell that well. After Billy G takes out both Evolution members, Shawn Michaels hits the ring and hits Ace Randy with a Superkick. When Big Bill nails the Nature Boy with a Jackhammer, HBK makes the inexplicable three count for the victory. Crowd cheers. No sense. Why can he do that? He's just the random ref? Free to officiate anything he wants?

Goldberg opens up and says "Ah" as we fade to black.

All in all: The show was a transitional show. It offered a bridge to Summerslam. Kane's a solid heel. Bischoff has been set up for a bout with Shane. It's all moving forward. My only issue is that forward doesn't seem so exciting.

Shane McMahon will need to face Kane eventually. It's the basis for his whole return. Anything he does until then just seems secondary. Summerslam is supposed to be the WrestleMania of the summer. Things that happen there are supposed to be the end results of the big buildups. This year just seems like hype matches for future shows.

Also, it makes no sense to allow Shawn Michaels to count the three in the main-event. What's stopping any heel from having his friend run down and do a quick count for the win?

I would say that this was a pretty half-hearted show that served a purpose without going above and beyond. It was average, but there's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully this will be the starting point for better things to come, or not. Either or. I wouldn't be surprised either way. See you all during the week with some more Takes. I wonder if I could just run into the ring and count three.