Now, more than ever, America needs a good bra and panties match

By Michael "Snapper" Carr

WWE fan and proud American

When I look back at 2005, I see a lot of awful times, and horrible memories that really challenged Americans to dig deep down and overcome tremendous heartbreak and sorrow. The quagmire in Iraq. The possibility that North Korea may have nuclear weapons. The deadly hurricanes. The escalation of poverty. The breakup of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. All of these events, and many more, have made Americans wonder if there truly is a light at the end of tunnel or whether we doomed to live a hopeless existence.

In a pre-hurricane Katrina world, a lingerie pillow fight probably would have been enough to get us through some dark times, but these days call for something more to lift the spirits of the American public. Something only the grinding action of nicely toned skin covered in bronzer can provide. That is why in 2006 I ask, no, I beg Vince McMahon and WWE to provide us with a good bra and panties match.

Sure, in 2005 there were a couple bra and panties matches tossed on the air with obviously no creative thought put behind them. Clearly the handicap bra and panties match at Raw Homecoming between Torrie Wilson, Victoria and Candice Michelle versus Trish Stratus and Ashley was just thrown together for a cheap pop and some quick skin. Whatever happened to the intricate storylines which lead up to the only match that could possibly end an epic feud between two women? The bra and panties match to the women's division is the equivalent to the Hell in a Cell match for the men and should be treated with as much respect, not just thrown together minutes before a show for no rhyme or reason!

Who can forget the October 2002's "Paddle on a Poll" bra and panties match between Trish Stratus and Stacy Keibler on Monday Night Raw? Or the Team WCW versus Team WWF bra and panties tag team match during the InVasion? If either of those matches could have been booked during 2005, the pain of watching Terry Schiavo slowly deteriorate would have been lessened for many of America's young men. With all the Net Nanny software cock-blocking a teenager's sexual exploration on the Internet, cable television needs to be a bastion of sex education for the American teen.

And, during the recent WWE tour of Afghanistan, a viewer could easily see that our brave young men - who lay their lives on the line on a daily basis so that we here in America can enjoy hot twenty four year old women wrestling in their underwear – had little to no eye candy to look at. Where is WWE creative during their time of need? If we do not have more matches on SmackDown that involve Melina, Stacy Kiebler and, yes, even Jillian "The Mole" Hall wrestling in thongs, then the terrorists truly have won.

Vince, it is more than just providing content for your television shows, it is your DUTY TO AMERICA!

I can't help but think the sadness caused by the death of Pope John Paul II would have been lightened greatly by a classic bra and panties match with Trish Stratus and Christy Hemme, with Trish possibly decked out in a Catholic school girl outfit to pay fitting tribute to the religious leader. Would Cindy Sheehan really have wasted all her time sitting in front of President Bush's home in Texas if she knew on television there would be an epic battle between Candace Michelle and Maria, with the loser being stripped down to her sexy, yet tasteful, undergarments? I think we all know the answer to that question.

I'm not just making this plea for the nation, as I'm sure bra and panties matches would benefit WWE as well. Bra and panties matches are down 65% from their all time high in 1999. So are the ratings of Monday Night Raw. Do the math. A rise in bra and panties matches will bring with it a rise in the American public's will. It will give us a reason to keep on fighting the good fight and to once again truly believe we are the greatest nation on Earth.