Click Here to Buy ECW Heatwave '98

"Break it Down, Old School" with MC_U.S.TitleBelt

Vol. 4

"ECW HEAT WAVE '98"

Since fritobandet was kind enough to lend this to me after he wrote in a vote for it during my poll to decide which tape I'd review last time, I thought I would repay the kindness by doing a review of it for him. I'm going with a slightly different approach this time as I'm going to "Break It Down" freestyle in the tradition of Lanny Poffo, P.N. News, and much to everybody's chagrin, John Cena...

This will be my first real exposure to ECW, Heat Wave 98,
The ref's polo shirt looks like he's also works at Video Update.

Justin Credible just powerbombed Jerry Lynn on a chair.
He's just mad cuz he looks like X-Pac without hair.

JL's Frankensteiner from the top through the table was cool
Even if conventional wisdom dictates that is an act of a fool

Lynn and Credible's match was great, it was bad to the bone
I kinda cringed, though, when it ended with a top rope tombstone

Mr. No-Personality, Lance Storm vs. Mr. No Ear, Chris Candido
Damn! Skippy just folded Lancer up like a Canadian burrito

Suplex to the outside!!! How can Candido still stand?
You definitely can't say a match with these 2 is bland

Awww, man! It's that silly powder in the eyes spot
The blinded ref grabs Tammy's jugs to see if they're fake or not

Is that a 4 year old boy I see in the crowd
The kid can cuss, his parents must be proud

Styles is flappin his gums, Franchise hurt his arm
Francine is lookin slutty and completely without charm

RVD keeps sneezin "Hakushi", here's a kleenix, Rob, now blow
Before he was Gameboy's bitch, he was the "Whole F*ckin' Show"

Is that Billy Ray Cyrus, he better not sing "Achy, Breaky Heart"
Nah, it's just Mike Awesome, his moveset came from K-Mart

Tanaka takes chairshots like Foley and keeps on comin Powerbomb through the table, and now That 70's Guy is bummin

Bam Bam Bigelow is here to take on the Thug of Thugs
Tazz's motto is "FTW", oh yeah, "Buy Some Lugz!"

Hakushi and Hayabusa vs. RVD, Fonzie, and Sabu
Time to light a doobie and display your mastery of Shaq-Fu

I always figured Rob's gimmick was he's a clone of Jean-Claude
Universal Soldier just blew a spot, like DDP says "GOOD GAWD!"

Sabu and Hayabusa appear to shop at the same store
Someone better tell them genie pants ain't stylish anymore

The Table legs busted off before a spot could be done
Sabu throws in 2 more, double the pleasure, triple the fun

Bam Bam starts things off by powerbombing Tazz, Word!
Tazz no sells it, pops right up, and flips Bigelow the bird

At Living Dangerously, these guys put a hole in the ring
This time the ramp is the victim, quothe DDP "Budda Bing!"

Paul E.'s Referees really are a bunch of dopes
Dipshit said Bigelow tapped as he was reachin for the ropes

So the Dudleys summer 98 gimmick was they were a cult
and I thought Tom Cruise and his nonsense was a total insult

What's that song I hear in the distance, Sandman and Crew enter
Fullington smashes that beer can in his forehead dead center

Innovator of Violence, Tommy Dreamer, and Spike with weird hair
Sandman's bleeding before the bell rings? What is he - Ric Flair?

Something in the commentary that kinda makes me sick
Styles seems to have a hard on for saying "Big Dick"

Bubba Ray's senton splash actually worked for a change
Now the ref is aiding the faces, that's a little strange

Dreamer and Co. win, but Jack Victory spoils it
New Jack shows up and throws a shopping cart at him...
SHIT!

Overall, it was pretty good, there was excitment galore
Then again, I've heard you could never say ECW was a bore

Now comes the end of the first rap review that I've dealt
hope frito liked it n says "BREAK IT DOWN FOR ME ONE TIME, BELT!"

Click Here to Buy ECW Heatwave '98