Breaking News: Israeli-Palestinian Conflict to be Settled at Survivor Series

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Philadelphia, PA) -- The Israeli-Palestinian conflict, which has raged for more than half a century, will be settled once and for all at World Wrestling Entertainment's Survivor Series pay-per-view, emanating from the Wachovia Center on Nov. 26^th.

According to top-secret booking sources, the evening's main event will feature teams of five captained by Prime Minister of Israel Ehud Olmert and Mahmoud Abbas, President of the Palestinian National Authority, in a "classic" Survivor Series elimination match.

"Israel and Palestine have been feuding for so long that it no longer holds the fans' interest," explained one government source whom, after speaking with World Wrestling Insanity News, was executed. "Besides, everyone knows that the Survivor Series is generally the time for old feuds to end, so that everyone can move on to new programs."

Both countries have been feuding since at least the Arab-Israel War in 1948 over issues such as the future of the West Bank, shared borders, security and sovereignty of Jerusalem's holy sites. There have been several attempts by third parties to make peace since that time.

In the year 2000, former U.S. President Bill Clinton brought then-leaders Ehud Barak and Yasser Arafat together at Camp David in an attempt at reconciliation. Two years later, the United Nations and others detailed a "road map" for peace. And in 1988, Jim Crockett Promotions, operating under the auspices of the National Wrestling Alliance, booked the two factions into a "War Games" steel cage match as part of The Great American Bash that year in Raleigh, North Carolina (said match ended in a no-contest after a so-called "Dusty Finish" which saw interference by Tully Blanchard).

While WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has remained silent on the subject, a corporate jet with the words "DX" spray-painted on it was recently spotted flying en route to the city of Jericho (and no, not the wrestler; we checked.) In addition, WWE's Shop Zone merchandise site has added yarmulkes, prayer garments and tallit emblazoned with the WWE scratch logo.

Another clue: the upcoming tour schedule of WWE's ECW brand includes a television taping in the Gaza Strip.

Some are concerned that McMahon, the subject of a recent DVD set and book, may attempt to uncharacteristically make the match about his own personal gain, as opposed to about world peace.

"Vince McMahon would never attempt to make light of international political tensions," said WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter, who, uh, played the role of an Iraqi sympathizer for most of 1991.

Although the members for each Survivor Series squad have yet to be confirmed, at least one wrestler can be ruled out. When contacted by World Wrestling Insanity News, former WWE competitor Mohammad Hassan said he didn't "want any part of that trainwreck." The chances of Shane McMahon joining Team Israel, however, remain quite high.

Following the Survivor Series matchup, Israel is expected to start a program with Scotland, while Palestine will face The Spirit Squad on the house-show circuit.

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com