Above: Just some of the Freebirds that did not attend the convention.

(Troy, Michigan) -- Poor planning, bad luck, and an egregious lack of research led to a less-than-stellar "Fabulous Freebirds Reunion Convention" yesterday at a Marriott Hotel in suburban Detroit.

"This convention was for all the Freebirds fans out there that wanted to see their heroes just one more time," convention organizer Andy Van Niekerk said. "I don't know where it went wrong."

For beginners, only one of the group's three founding members, retired grappler Buddy "Jack" Roberts, was in attendance. Roberts talked to the crowd about his courageous battle with throat cancer before departing for a nearby Denny's restaurant.

Simple research on a trusted wrestling website would have explained why the other two founders weren't likely to show. Namely, group leader Michael "P.S." Hayes is contractually unable to attend because of his employment with World Wrestling Entertainment, and Terry "Bamm Bamm" Gordy died in 2001.

Other members of the infamous wrestling stable, which at times included Jimmy "Jam" Garvin, Garvin's wife Sunshine, "Diamond" Dallas Page, Oliver "Big Daddy Dink" Humperdink and Brad "Badstreet" Armstrong either declined Van Niekerk's invitations, or simply weren't located by him in time.

"I just don't know what went wrong," repeated Van Niekerk, staring at the floor in disbelief.

The only other member even loosely affiliated with the group to attend was Rocky "Little Richard Marley" King, who managed Hayes and Garvin for a brief period in 1990. However, King slept through most of the event on a folding chair, according to eyewitness accounts.

Also invited to the event was World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Famer Johnny Valiant, although no one was certain what affiliation, if any, he had to the legendary stable of Southern rockers.

Between the 1980's and 1990's, The Fabulous Freebirds were one of the few teams in wrestling to find work in the National Wrestling Alliance, World Class Championship Wrestling, American Wrestling Association, Universal Wrestling Federation, World Championship Wrestling and World Wrestling Federation promotions.

Had the entire group, or even a majority of them, appeared at the convention, it would have made for a memorable occasion.

"I can't believe I wasted $250 on this shit," said Bob Laroche, who drove all the way from Pittsburgh to see some of his favorite wrestlers not appear. "Meeting Buddy Roberts was kind of interesting, but really, he's hardly worth the price of admission himself."

In addition to the brief wrestler appearances, Van Niekerk set up tables selling bootleg Freebirds tee-shirts, Polaroid pictures and compact discs that contained the Freebird anthems "Badstreet, U.S.A." and "I'm a Freebird, What's Your Excuse?", not to mention some of the Hayes-composed songs from "WCW Slam Jam Vol. 1" that were downloaded from Kazaa.

For an additional $10, conventiongoers were able to pose next to a cardboard cutout of former WWE champion The Rock.

Another bone of contention among many of the convention's 23 attendees was the location, which seemed to have been chosen more for the proximity to Van Niekerk's apartment than any historical Freebird significance.

"Have these guys ever even heard their song before?" complained Laroche, clutching a rare British issue Galoob action figure of Hayes, which he was hoping that Hayes could autograph at the convention. "Badstreet, Atlanta, GA! Not Badstreet, Troy Fucking Michigan! Christ!"

In addition, Van Niekerk has learned that he may be sued by rock group Lynyrd Skynyrd, who recorded the 1975 hit song "Freebird".

"What a mess this thing turned out to be," Van Niekerk admitted as he packed away a collection of vintage confederate flags after the show. "Believe you me, the Von Erich Reunion Show I have planned for December will be WAY better."

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Canadian Bulldog is a borderline journalist who writes weekly for World Wrestling Insanity and Online Onslaught and has published his own book of nutty e-mails to wrestlers. See his obscenely expensive Canadian BullBLOG for more details. He welcomes your comments at CanadianBulldog@worldwrestlinginsanity.com

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